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Two if by Sea

1995 romantic comedy/caper movie

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How bout just a negative 2?

  • Sep 15, 2010

Another Sandra Bullock movie?  Yes.  I must be like some tabloid in that I can't stop talking about her lately.

In 95, Bullock was making a name for herself as a sexy new star of movies and had a big hit with While You Were Sleeping, and Denis Leary was finding steady work distancing himself more from MTV and going on a tear of some really bad movies.  The two stars worked together in Demolition Man and find themselves here as lovers/criminals who are waiting to sell an expensive painting that Leary just swiped.  In the mean time class issues, cops and Leary's idiot criminal friends try to horn their way into the middle of things.  Thats really about it.  Yes an FBI agent is on the pair's trail and Leary's beligerent bar friends come trying to steal his loot and sell it themselves when they think he's mucking it up but everything about this one just falls flat.  You'd think a movie starring a funny, snarling guy a cute and talented comedic actress in a comedy would work but, well much like a Chauchat in WW1, it doesn't work at all.

The thing I remember about this movie most is just how uncharismatic Bullock and Leary are together.  Bullock is channeling a third rate Marisa Tomei from My Cousin Vinny with her Noo Yawk accent and Leary treats Bullock like garbage throughout the movie.  They're love relationship has shades of what would become Peter and Lois on Family Guy in that Leary sometimes just goes out of his way to annoy accidentally or deliberately Bullock.  The few times there is something funny it's too sporadic in between others and the rest of the film is a pain.  Leary tries pratfall humor, insult humor and more to try and strangle a chuckle out of the script and Bullock sometimes looked bored and even annoyed.  I know I was.

Bullock did recover from this disaster and go onto make more movies as did Leary before finding his niche on cable TV.  A negative 2 is easy for this one but it's not so much a bad movie as a movie where nothing went right.  It's not a horrible movie and you can tell something good was supposed to happen and it just didn't unlike a bad movie thats just made badly or cheap and reeks of being pathetic.

Two if by Sea.........Stay home with your friends.


How bout just a negative 2?

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September 15, 2010
I see my decision to saty away from this one since it came out was really wise. ;) nice review.
September 15, 2010
I was leafing through Bullock movies I saw and REMEMBERED THIS. Oh man. I should have probably mentioned that Leary sucks as a romantic lead but oh well.
About the reviewer
John Nelson ()
Ranked #8
Born in Wausau Wisconsin. Move at an early age to Ventura California and lived for 8 years. Growing up in a big city landscape didn't prepare me for my next move: Archbold Ohio with a population of … more
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Frank O'Brien, a petty thief, and his 7-year-long girlfriend Roz want to put an end to their unsteady lifestyle and just do that _last_ job, which involves stealing a valuable painting. Frank takes Roz to an island on the coast of New England, where he wants to sell the painting and also hopes that their sagging relationship will get a positive push back up. Not everything goes as planned, as some thugs and the FBI try to recover the painting and Roz gets attracted not only to the landscape
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