America is fat. America is getting fatter.
It seems if KFC gets its way, America will get there in record time.
Ladies and gentleman let me present to you the champion of all artery clogging, fat building and gluttonous indulging foods in a fast food market ripe with contenders. Your neighborhood KFC is now stocked with the Double Down “Sandwich”.
I quoted the word sandwich because it is not “by definition” a sandwich. From dictionary.com
"two or more slices of bread or the like with a layer of meat, fish, cheese, etc., between each pair" -http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/sandwich
Now to introduce you to what I have seen defined as a “meatwich” in other blogs. OK, here goes:
- Two fried chicken breasts in place of the bread.
- Two pieces of bacon
- Two pieces of cheese
- A mayo-based sauce
Maybe I’m not doing it justice. Let’s roll the video and let KFC show you what I’m talking about with their own commercial:
I’m not gonna lie. I have not eating this thing, nor do I intend to. I am writing this “review” based on the idea of this assault on the health of America. I know people are going to want to know how this thing tastes and I don’t want your curiosity to tempt you into consuming something with these kind of stats:
"The nutrition facts aren’t the best, as you can imagine. The Double Down weighs in at 540 calories, 32 grams of fat and -- hold on -- 1,380 milligrams of sodium. KFC offers a grilled version that mysteriously is just as bad and has more sodium: 460 calories, 23 grams of fat and 1,430 milligrams of sodium." -http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/comments_blo...will-you-be-buying.html
(I’d like people to pay particularly close attention to the grilled version. I have heard more than one reasonable person proclaim that the grilled version can’t be that bad.)
So back to the taste. I would imagine that something so horrific would have to be universally loved on the palette before it wreaks havoc on your digestive and cardio vascular systems. Here are some reviews for you to...uh...chew on:
That should give you enough information to avoid having to order this thing.
OK, have I handled the meatwich enough? Now I have to take issue with KFC marketing. Please note that I am not one usually overly sensitive to these issues, but the commercial above struck me as exploiting a chicken lovin stereotype of African-Americans. I did a quick and informal survey on Facebook IM and it was aboutt 60-40 in my favor. Watch it again AFTER you view this clip from Dave Chappelle.
WARNING…there is bit of foul language in this clip:
Now watch the KFC commercial again and let me know in the comments section if you see what I saw. Check out the bald black guy and how excited he is about chicken. He jumps up-and-down in protect, then greets with a hearty "Hellooooo chicken" and then in his finale he raises the eyebrow, lowers his voice and tells us the main ingredient "...and two pieces of chicken" with the biggest smile you've even seen. Couldn't that character get one of the lines referring to bacon or cheese or the sandwich as whole?
Also, let me know if you’ve eating the Double Down. If so, please share your thoughts and opinions about it. If not, do you plan to eat it. We “double down” dare ya!
The three sites and reviewers you have carefully selected are well known for being opposed to heart attacks. Fairness dictates reviews from average people. I’d like to know what that 280 pound long haul truck driver thinks after 15 hours on the road and coming down from his amphetamine-induced passion for driving when he sees a KFC outlet coming up. Or the 16-year-old skinny male math wizard, unsuccessful in getting Sue Ellen to go to the prom with him, who decides to rid himself of this lonely world by scientifically measuring input of Big Macs versus the Double Downers until he collapses on Sue Ellen’s front yard. Or a Somali mother who is given a choice between a bowl of cold gruel and a nice hot, juicy Double Downer (hold the mayo). Or the Dalai Lama in retirement, who orders three Double Downers with fries as part of a KFC television commercial. Do you think he's going to throw those oozing babies away?
Moderation in everything is key. I eat half a Double Downer, no more. I always wait half an hour before eating the other half.
I don’t want to bring politics into this, but the Constitution specifically gives KFC the authority to make Double Downers. It doesn’t say KFC can’t, and that should be good enough. I believe Judge Bork provided the rationale. He cited the Declaration of Independence, which states that the pursuit of Double Downers (happiness in other words) is an inalienable right. ‘Nuf said.