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Bitch Slap (Unrated) (2009)

A Grindhouse tribute directed by Rick Jacobson.

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Welcome To The New CGI Grind House!!

  • Mar 5, 2010
Rating:
+3
Every once in awhile, you come across a movie that is just so bad and stupid that you wonder just what it was exactly that got you to sit through the movie in the first place. Well, director Rick Jacobson’s “Bitch Slap” appear to be the type of movie that I shouldn’t even sit through. Yet, I was just glued to my coach as I see all the visible homage to sexploitation cinema made into a real campy, rowdy flick full of female assets, girl fights (choreographed by Zoe Bell) and a lot of blood and violence (curiously there’s no nudity). There is an amount of ‘guilty pleasure to be found in “Bitch Slap”…and you really don’t have to look too hard.
 
Gage (Michael Hurst) is a crime kingpin dragged out into the middle of the desert by three ultra-hot vixens; Hel (Erin Cummings), Camero (America Olivio) and Trixie (Julia Voth) are on a mission to find whatever is buried deep in the sands. The three women are plagued with distractions and problems such as a deputy, two oddball characters and mistrust as they try to keep things together long enough to find the treasure. Under the dry desert heat, it gets real hard to focus and feelings of paranoia slowly take control. Now the three sexy ladies must face off to claim what their hearts desire…

                 

                                      Erin Cummings as Hel in "Bitch Slap."

                      2 ½ Stars:
 
“Bitch Slap” is pure camp and puts together a creation filled with homage and tributes for the works of Russ Meyer, Andy Sidaris and even Larry Flynt; when the opening credits roll, it becomes very obvious just how the movie is going to play out. The movie is a homage to the “Grindhouse” cinema that became so popular back in the day. You wonder how I sat through the movie? Well, “Bitch Slap” does have the appeal that attracts the male testosterone; there’s an abundance of scantily-clad hot women with the camera focusing on cleavage shots, there’s a myth and legend about “Pinkie”, girl-on-girl action and fights, lots of explosions and there’s even a tribute to “Sukeban Deka” (Yo-yo Girl Cop). Yes, the movie is filled with stuff that makes us males excited; the trio of Olivio, Cummings and Voth are real pleasing to the eyes and the movie does have all the trimmings that make the movie look real good…on the outside at least.
 
Jacobson knows how to shoot cleavage, bloody fights and bullet ballet. But what he lacks is the skill to pull off a real “grind house” experience as demonstrated by Tarantino and Rodriguez in their grind house double feature a few years back. The movie is extremely low-budget and it shows. The acting makes for such an amateur feel that the movie loses its momentum when the supposed “wisecracks” and clever intentionally cheesy one-liners that just goes beyond the B-movie silliness. I guess there is such a thing as too silly? Actually this isn’t my major complaint. 

                 A scene from the film "Bitch Slap."

                                            
 
The movie’s screenplay centers on the three as they decide what their next move would be. We see characterization in the form of flashbacks, as the movie somewhat emulates a Tarantino-like convoluted style to show the details of what had gone before. The style is acceptable, I actually thought that the movie had its charms going to this route, but what hurts the movie is the fact that most of the set designs in the flashbacks were generated by CGI, and for a low-budget, supposed grind house tribute, this may just be a no-no that it made me roll my eyes. The CGI is often cheap and looks very “music video-like” that it fails to convince with its tone and mood. I guess director Jacobson is trying to be more go-getting than his budget could allow and what results is a movie that looks too polished to be a “grind house” feature and too “low budget” to be mainstream. 
 
Much of the film’s scenes are terribly forced but I have to admit I was at least enthralled by its “charm”. There were some very cool plot devices such as a glowing female crotch area, there’s a wet-outfit display, cheesy one-liners that can be so “funny” because they were “unfunny” and it is just so fun to see women hit each other like guys (in the crotch, when they don’t have balls). The film also tries its hand at “woman empowerment” but never fully realizes it. It is just a bucket load of fetishes that has been crammed into a B-movie can of whoop ass. Yes, the film has some fun moments but they never reached the B-movie “top of the mountain” because of the forced acting and mood.
 
Let’s get right to the point, “Bitch Slap” is a bad movie, but it did serve up a feeling of guilty pleasure. It is an execution filled with eye candy but its strengths overstays its welcome after awhile. For a tribute to the lords of sexploitation, Jacobson comes short. I did like the quotes from the “Art of War” but they were just too little, too late. The film does have potential and if my descriptions appeal to you then go ahead and give “Bitch Slap” a spin. The film is a great idea with loads of potential, but the way it was put together was just so short of what it should have been.
 
Recommended with caution, RENTAL First is Advisable [3+ Out of Stars]

HYPE LEVEL: ....what HYPE?!

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Let Me Loose!! 2 ½ Stars: 2 ½ Stars: Welcome To The New CGI Grind House!!

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Post a Comment
February 27, 2011
That trailer made me lol, seriously. And wow, I wish I could look that good when my hair is messy and dirty and I'm surrounded by various burning objects. :P
February 27, 2011
LOL! that is one great comment! This was one of those...I didn't exactly like but I liked it (does that make sense? LOL) Nice to see you around again, Stephanie!
February 27, 2011
It makes total sense. And thanks. :)
 
February 27, 2011
Oh wow somehow I totally missed this one (both in society and your review). I'm convinced this is a must-do for me. If those stills alone are any indication, I'm loving it. That's not even taking into consideration the funniest title of the year. "Tarantino-like convoluted style"- yup, gotta snag this one pronto. On route to Netflix as we speak. Thanks William!
February 27, 2011
I knew you may like this one, Jay LOL!
 
March 16, 2010
That would be Michael Hurst would played Iolaus on both HERCULES and XENA. You missed Lucy Lawless and Renee O'Connor too. Guess you didn't watch a lot of XENA.
March 16, 2010
Dang! that was him?! he looked real different! then again, he was all in speedos and stuff. Yeh, Lucy was here, but it was just a cameo. My mom loved XENA!
March 16, 2010
Yeah that's him. He's got to look a lot older because he was nearly 40 when he did the series.
May 04, 2010
Wait, Hurst, Lawless, and O'Connor had a reunion in this. Oh, I'm so in!
May 05, 2010
For a 3 star flick? Oh yeah, they're Woop's 3 stars which makes them worth a bit more.
 
March 05, 2010
You know the saying, "One man's trash is another man's treasure,"? Well, you just struck gold, Woo-dawg!
March 05, 2010
ARF ARF! woof woof!
March 05, 2010
Heel boy. Good boy. Now sit, sit, stay!
 
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More Bitch Slap reviews
review by . January 16, 2010
posted in Movie Hype
Oh yes, "Bitch Slap" is everything you think it is. Girls. Guns. Catfights. Explosions. Lesbian romances. A story of bad guys, booty, alliances, betrayals, and secrets. It's being billed as, "a post-modern, thinking man's throwback to the B movie/exploitation films of the 1950s - 70s," but the truth is it gives us little to think about, and I'm hard pressed to say that it reexamines modern assumptions of culture, identity, and language. It does, however, open with a Joseph Conrad quote: "The belief …
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About this movie

Wiki

A modern throwback to the "B" movie exploitation films of the 50's-70's, mixing beautiful women, fast cars, big guns, nasty tongues, outrageous action, and jaw-dropping eye candy. The movie follows three bad girls, a down-and-out stripper, a drug running killer, and a corporate power broker as they arrive at a remote desert hideaway to extort massive booty from an underworld kingpin.
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Tags

Movies, Action Movies, Action, Hype, Grindhouse, Dont Believe The Hype

Details

Cast: Julia Voth
DVD Release Date: March 2, 2010
Runtime: 109 minutes
Studio: 20th Century Fox

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