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Bram Stoker's Way of the Vampire

A movie directed by Eduardo Durao

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Bram Stoker's Way of the Vampire

  • Jan 27, 2009
Rating:
-1
Pros: somewhat Ok, at least vampires are up-to-date

Cons: we'll just let this go, alright?

The Bottom Line:
"Love me
Like you love the sun
Scorching the blood in my vampire heart"
~HIM

This is my brain [_]; this is my brain on creature features {-}. It’s been a long dang month of January and I finished it off by watching Bram Stoker’s Way of the Vampire. There were so many things I didn’t know about vampires and Van Helsing I was surprised. Not that I couldn’t have gone the rest of my life without this information, I was just amazed, with all the vampire stories I’ve watched, I’ve never heard the saga of Van Helsing and his curse.

The movie starts in the late 1800’s ‘over there some where’, we can only assume Transylvania because that is where vampires come from, right? Van Helsing, it seems, has always been a vampire hunter. In this release he is after Count Dracula and as he gathers his group of slayers to invade their lair, he leaves his wife [she looks about 16] entrusted to Monk Sebastien. Granted, he knows Sebastien has designs on his wife but, in his convoluted way of man-thinking, he figures who better to protect her and watch over her than someone that is lusting after her. Oh hell, Van Helsing, you got what you deserved.

As Helsing and slayers encounter Dracula, sending him to his death, he is told by one of his legions, Arianna, that he was the fool because Sebastien was one of Dracula’s faithful and he stupidly left his beguiling wife to surely meet her death, or worse, be changed.

Now, prior to this little interlude, the Church had approached Van Helsing offering his a deal. He would drink from ‘The Chalice’, which would give him eternal life until the last vampire leader was eradicated. No idiot Van Helsing, he had no desire to seek eternal life … until his wife was taken and changed. Then he went to the Church, offering his alliance, basically condemning himself for eternity.

Fast forward to 2000 … whew, that didn’t take long. Now we are living in L.A. and Van Helsing, now a doctor, works as a hematologist at the hospital. The irony alone caused me to choke. The vampires, meanwhile, are also in L.A., living on the down-low, drinking only from dead animals because they still fear Van Helsing, not even knowing he is right there in their very own town. Finally, unable to abide animal blood any longer, one of the chosen takes a job at the hospital as an orderly and snatches a few pints of blood from the blood bank.

Imagine the surprise on the face of Arianna when she sees Van Helsing’s name on the blood pouch. She positively quivers in her 5” stiletto boots [we won’t talk about her costume or lack thereof]. After she drinks her fill, she goes to Sebastien who is wallowing in bed, near death from wanting human blood. He certainly doesn’t have that commanding appearance he held before whereas she still looks pretty lusty. I’m thinking she’s been having a human or two along the way and not telling anyone. One small sip is all Sebastien needs to make him realize it is time to unite his legions and kill Van Helsing and take over the world, or at least Los Angeles.

He heads out, finds a prostitute, and has dinner. The next thing he does is don the most outrageous outfit, looking much like a band member in KISS, and screeches out a roar that would make King Kong shiver in his fur.

On the other side of town, Van Helsing has learned about the suspicious attack, fearing the worse. After he confirms it, he visit’s the local church and enlists the aid of the parish seminary students who agree to join him as slayers. Throw in the supple wench from the hospital who has been making eyes at Van Helsing, and all is good. Of course, the wench can be used by Sebastien to once again torment Van Helsing but he doesn’t realize she has a few tricks up her sleeve as well.

Finally it is time for the showdown between Van Helsing and Sebastien who, fashion diva that he is, has changed into a snappy bolero outfit with tails, lined in a scorching red satin with matching cummerbund. Will Van Helsing be successful and kill off the last vampire prince, meaning he will meet his own death, or will Sebastien reign victorious and walk the Earth forever?

This goodie was directed by Sarah Nean Bruce & Eduardo Durao. It was rated R for vampire violence, sexuality, nudity, and language. No awards. From this I learned several new ways to kill vampires, as well as the legend of Van Helsing who was played by Rhett Giles in this movie. Paul Logan had a short stint as Dracula and Andreas Beckett played Sebastien. They weren’t horrible in their performance I was just getting tired of creatures for a while and the entire thing kind of worked on my nerves.

At least they updated the vampires to current times, giving them clothing from the era, not keeping them in those gauzy gowns. And there was Arianna, who I think was a Dominatrix in all her lives. I can’t tell you to avoid it because it wasn’t all that bad but you don’t have to run out to get your own copy unless you are already in the store and you see it on the shelf … on sale.

Thanks,
Susi

Recommended:
Yes

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December 12, 2010
This is an Asylum film right?
 
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About the reviewer
Susi Dawson ()
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About this movie

Wiki

This cheerfully low-budget riff on the Dracula story from directors Sarah Nean Bruce and Eduardo Durao follows Van Helsing, the immortal vampire hunter, as he battles the evil dead throughout the centuries. Asylum Pictures favorite Rhett Giles stars, alongside Paul Logan, Denise Boutte, Brent Falco, and Anthony Turk.
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Details

Director: Eduardo Durao
MPAA Rating: R

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