The Bottom Line: “Stay the path and never go astray it will steal your sanity CHUPACABRA! Winged just like a Demon poison tail to whip” ~Cage
…sigh… We’re dealing with a scientist again. Actually, a crypotozoologist, to be correct, one Dr. Pena. It seems he has been studying the Chupacabra for most of his life and the opportunity arises for him to go to a remote island and catch the dang thing. As legend has it, the Chupacabra feeds on goats but, as it turns out in this movie, isn’t opposed to munching a human or twelve. Dr. Pena is successful in capturing the beast which, apparently, can’t be killed but can be taken down in a heartbeat by one little ‘ole tranquilizer dart. Bullets can’t penetrate his scales but a dart can? hmmmm..
Pena, a loser in his otherwise miserable life, smuggles this creature on board a cruise ship which just happens to dock at this same old remote island. Also meeting up with the ship at this harbor is one Federal Marshall, Lance Thompson, to investigate the disappearance of money and valuables from the ship’s vault. Thompson, as it turns out, knew the captain from the days when they both served in their respective militaries. The captain rescued Thompson’s crew from unfriendly waters. Of course, this was unknown to the captain until after Thompson boarded ship.
We really only connect with two passengers on the ship, one primadona rich old woman with her yappy mop of a dog that sits on her lap at the dinner table and eats off the table, and a simpering young man that is obviously a gigolo as he moons over the older woman, hoping to rid her of some of her riches. We follow them throughout the story, unfortunately, and both, including the yappy dog, meet the Chupacabra in a most unwholesome way. Turns out, we discover, the gigolo is the one stealing money from the ship but his prowess with safe cracking comes in handy when needed. If only he weren’t so greedy he could have made an escape safely, but not so.
Well, back to the creature and Dr. Pena. He paid two ship hands a hefty sum to safely secure this beast [although they didn’t know what it was at the time] in the cargo hold, giving them strict instructions. I don’t know how long he thought that tranquilizer would last or how far they were from home port, but, as we both know, despite all the times in the past that people have tried to transport a creature from its natural habitat to civilization, it never works. Didn’t take an itty-bit for those nimrods to open the crate, despite the angry growling inside, and let the critter go to run amok on the cruise ship.
Did I mention the captain’s daughter, a whinny little wench, was on board? She is teaching the Tai Bo classes as part of her summer chores while also enjoying the facilities. She actually attacks the creature, using some of her kicks, after he tries to eat her alive. Spunky little wench, isn’t she?
When push comes to shove, Pena admits to the captain his creature is loose and killing passengers faster than a meal of bad chicken, but tells him he captured him once and he can capture him again. The captain, not as confident, enlists the help of Navy SEALs that are located at a base not far from where the ship currently rests in the water. In the meantime, he has restricted all passengers to their cabins for safety. We all know everyone isn’t going to stay where they belong; hence, the yappy dog and its master become the next meal for Chupacabra. Seems money doesn’t buy you intelligence.
Despite their best efforts, the SEALs have been unable to kill the creature although, after shifting to armor piercing bullets, they do manage to wound it. With that statement in mind … armor piercing … they are shooting wildly and blindly, never mind the passengers that are huddled in their staterooms. Those bullets pierced a lot of walls and I’m sure there were a lot of bodies that became part of friendly fire.
Unless you watch this movie, you will never know the ending. It is only my duty to take you to the dance, not take you home.
Before I go into the cast of this epic, I’d like to discuss the creature. According to all the songs written about it, there are hundreds according to Google search engines, and the folklore surrounding it, it is a winged creature. Even the statue the daughter bought at the local souvenir shop had wings on it but there were no wings on our guy. Mark Viniello played the part of Chupacabra. This is his only acting gig, the balance of his lengthy work in films is dedicated to makeup and special effects, especially dealing with creatures.
Personally, maybe I’m wrong, but if I’m going to be wearing the dress I made for the prom, I want to make sure it is impeccable. I want it to look like Prada whipped it up just for me. Mark, my friend, you fell a little short on design. The suit portion of the creature was obviously a wet suit. It is completely form fitting, so much so you can see his crack in the back and his twigs and berries in the front. The head is a little better although it bears a striking resemblance to the Creature from the Black Lagoon. The main difference is the snout which looks very pig-like. It did have impressive teeth and claws, dripped some vicious looking glub from its mouth, and a decent tail.
When it wasn’t dining on people, it spent the balance of the time either peeking around corners or climbing along ceilings and walls. They used that peeking sequence so much, I am sure it was the same footage just interspersed when needed. He was so incredibly fast, I don’t know why they bothered with the Spiderman routine because he didn’t move quite so quickly then. However, it did allow for sneak attacks.
As far as the cast, John Rhys-Davies played a rather lackluster Captain Randolph. Dylan Neal was Lance Thompson, spending most of his time flashing his impressive dimples. Giancarlo Esposito was a delightful Dr. Pena with Chelan Simmons the whinny daughter. The two people we spent most of our time with, rich woman and gigolo, were played by Paula Shaw and David Millbern. The dog played himself.
John Shepphird was the director, receiving no awards for his movie. It is rated R for violence and gore. The exterior scenery was incredibly beautiful, thank God for my new TV, filmed in the Turks & Caicos Islands.
You heard it hear first folks, John Rhys-Davies is the new god of B-Cinema. Not only has he appeared in the legendary "Sabertooth" and "Dragon Storm," but Rhys-Davies can now add "Chupacabra Terror" to his ever-growing list of SciFi channel schlock that is so terrible, it's actually fun to watch. When this first appeared on SciFi Channel, I think it had a slightly different name. No matter, it's still the same cheese-matic cinema that I've grown to love. Not only does it … more
On a tropical island dr penja a zoologoist who specializes in the investigation of mythical species has captured the legendary demon-predator chupacabra. Now he has smuggled the prized blood-sucking evil monster in to the cargo hold of a vacation vessel headed back to america. Studio: Sony Pictures Home Ent Release Date: 06/27/2006 Starring: John Rhys-davies Dylan Neal Run time: 88 minutes Rating: R