I laughed, I cried, I lost fifty pounds, but not because this movie is any good
Jan 31, 2010
He looks like a zombie, he acts like a bug, we should give him one big hug. Look out yall, here comes the zombie spider man.
Zombie spider man, zombie spider man, does whatever a zombie/spider does. Eats your limbs, climbs on walls, shoots other zombies in the head. Look out; here comes the zombie spider man.
I could go on forever my friends, but you'd get pretty mad if I just had these stupid spider man references. But I can't help myself, when I see a zombie defy gravity and walk like a spider on the side of a wall I have to laugh and call it a zombiefied spider man. I guess Peter Parker was on vacation in Colorado when the zombie flue hit and he was caught in the crossfire. But then how can I explain the fact that everyone is a super zombie spider man? Seriously though, how does being transformed into an undead zombie give you super powers? Here's a list of zombie super powers. 1) They can climb on walls, like Spider Man. Duh. Think the I Am Legend zombie things (which, BTW, I though were pretty lame when compared to the ones in the book) but with bad makeup. 2) They can catapult themselves without any effort. I had a good laugh when one of the zombies just flew out of his seat without any effort, as if there was a giant spring he was sitting on that just tossed him across the room. 3) Super jumping abilities. Just like you guessed it, spider man. Not only can they scale walls and catapult themselves across the room, but they are pretty mean jumpers too. One second there across the room the next their flying through the air. 4) The ability to walk/stumble/lurch/run/jump/whatever in slow jerking motions impossible for any living person to achieve.
The only thing missing is the web shooter and Mary Jane running down the street in a wedding dress.
Oh, and just to let you know, I didn't really lose fifty pounds, so all you people who are overweight, don't think a Day of the Dead diet is going to help you lose the weight. I laughed because the movie was so over the top BAD that I could not believe my eyes (hence the extra star, I laughed my butt off, its almost so bad its good, almost but not quite), I cried because they made a mockery of my favorite Romero zombie movie Day of the Dead, and I almost lost weight, although maybe not fifty pounds, because I almost blew my head off when the new Bub started eyeing the new Sara's, uhh, package. No Bub, that's a bad zombie, bad zombie, phooey, phooey.
This isn't a remake; besides the name of the film the original and this thing have absolutely nothing in common. The original took place almost exclusively in an underground missile silo where scientists and soldiers held an uneasy truce; this new one has an underground silo, but they don't enter it until near the end and here the scientists are the bad guys and the soldiers the good guys. In the original Captain Rhodes was a young, ruthless, power hungry white guy with a really short temper, here he's an old, disciplined, black guy who's also a well oiled fighting machine. The original Bub, awesome. The new Bub, de de de. The old Dr. Logan, AKA Frankenstein, a charming, charismatic, crazy guy who manages to talk people silly; the new Dr. Logan, the biggest A hole in the world.
And not its time for Jonathan's "word of the day."
Today's word is, Zombie Pets. Yes I know it sounds a little unconventional to keep a pet zombie around the house, especially one who could potently climb on your walls and stain your ceiling with bloody hand prints (those things are almost impossible to get off) but the benefits of having such a wonderful pet are also very great. Just think of all the things one of these undead creatures can do for you; check the mail, water the plants, mow the lawn, eat your boss, take over the world, and much, much more. Zombie pets are easy to train and there is no need to feed or clean up after them. They require no nourishment as they are already dead, and because they do not require food they cannot defecate in your lawn or living room. Depending on their previous life they can be taught a host of tasks from running around with guns shooting at the air, pushing shopping carts, or babysitting your children.
Be sure to have your zombie spaded and neutered upon obtaining it, especially if they are of the male persuasion. Don't forget that they still retain a little bit of their former selves, the last thing you want is a baby zombie on your hands.
Always make sure your zombie knows who's in charge. Whenever it starts to growl at company or your children, establish your dominance over it with a quite hit to the nose. If that doesn't work hit it on the back of the head and yell phooey. Remember, zombies are no more dangerous then large dogs if handled correctly, left unattended and unloved though and they could become a danger to you and those around you. Always discipline bad behavior and reward good behavior with a pat on the head.
Keep your zombie on a leash whenever taking it on a walk, even if it has no history of violence. I know it may seem tempting to let it run free in the park but always remember that it is a potently deadly animal. Most states have severe penalties for owners of zombies whose pets attack another human or pet. Keep yourself safe and always maintain direct control over your pet.
And that concludes my word of the day. For those who have not seen this film yet I am sorry but the joke won't be as funny, for those who have I hope you liked it.
Day of the Dead (2008) has finally been released on DVD. After several delays and reshoots, the movie went straight to video after an aborted theatrical release. After the long wait of seeing this movie, I was very disappointed. I was expecting a more faithful remake with plenty of Ving Rhames playing himself. What I got was a retread of 28 days Later and bad acting and directing. If you're really into zombie movies then you'll like this one but if you're a George A. Romero fan then you might want … more
I am a member of the US Air Force and presently serve overseas at RAF Mildenhall about three hours north of London. I grew up in Pappilion Nebraska and Crestview Florida, but since joining the Air Force … more
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