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Embrace of the Vampire

A movie directed by Anne Goursand

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Embrace of the Vampire - Lust, sex, naked bodies and boobs

  • Dec 26, 2001
Rating:
-3
Pros: a fair amount of ta-ta's

Cons: Seriously? Only 15 words?

The Bottom Line: Recommend it? I won't even mention it

The Oracle says: Martin Kemp has a Bacon number of 2.
Martin Kemp was in Monk Dawson (1998) with Rhona Mitra
Rhona Mitra was in Hollow Man (2000) with Kevin Bacon ****


Take a virginal young babe from the convent, Charlotte (Alyssa Milano) and throw her into the college scene, add a nympho photographer, Sarah (Charlotte Lewis), campus-b!tch, Eliza (Jordan Ladd), a horny boyfriend, Chris (Harrison Pruett), and a pitiful excuse for a vampire (Martin Kemp) and what do you have? Why you have sex kids, right here in River City, and plenty of it. You also have lots and lots of naked Alyssa Milano, yes indeedy!

There is no horror in this movie, most of the vampire motions are implied or glossed over. Why is that you ask. Well because they were too damn busy getting everyone to take off their clothes and have a fair amount of orgies. Too busy for vampire work here kids, its all about naked bodies and sex in this movie.

The vampire (he never has a name in the movie except Vampire) knew Charlotte's doppleganger when he was a young and feisty lad and it was true love indeed. However, she gets seduced away or killed or whatever and he gets attacked by a lot of luscious babes dressed in amulets, smiles, and carefully arranged thongs. So begins his wearisome life as the undead. Lo and behold, as he works on a college campus many centuries later, he sees the winsome Charlotte and realizes his dreams have been answered.

Of course we have a few hang ups. There are always hang ups in vampire movies. First, she is a virgin (although those clothes make you think otherwise), second she is a mere 17 and won't be 18 until three days later and third, he will go to his eternal sleep if he doesn't seduce her in three days (convenient huh?). Imagine him finding his salvation after all this time and then only having three days before his time on Earth is done. Ok, I didn't know vampires had a restricted time on Earth, but apparently this is so.

Let's just cut to the chase here........ after a lot of banter and wild seductive dreams, Charlotte has told Chris she will bestow the honor of her virginity on him on her 18th birthday, bless her heart. Vampire can't have that so he changes (ya know, like they can) into Marika (Jennifer Tilly) and tries to seduce good old Chris. Doesn't work. But for some dang reason, when Charlotte goes to the campus party, the campus-b!tch, Eliza, slips a little drug into her wine and Charlotte turns into the biggest ‘ho' bag you have ever seen. Musta been Spanish Fly!

Blah, blah, blah, blah ...... Vampire lures Charlotte into the clock tower as the minutes tick away toward midnight and $)(*&%**_@_+%*^ ........... oops, a problem with my computer, I guess. You'll just have to watch it to find out.

Boy, is my face red
I'm embarrassed to classify this as a vampire film. I caught the unrated version which I understand is a lot steamier than the rated one. The vampire, Martin Kemp, seldom tickles my fancy but there are the occasional scenes where he looks a little seductive. Far more sexual and tantalizing was Charlotte Lewis who plays the nympho photographer. Her scenes with Milano were ....... ummmm ....... tasty to say the least.

Speaking of Milano, I guess we know now just who the boss is. What a nice set of purchased breasts she has. In fact, there are a lot of purchased breasts in this movie. Fairly noticeable when they don't move an inch, no matter what is going on or the position of the body, and trust me, there are a lot of body positions here. She also wears some of the strangest, and convenient, clothes that I have seen in a long time, that is when she has them on.

This flick borders on soft porn, the only thing missing is the genitalia, which they leave to your over active imagination after you view everything else happening. The acting left a lot to be desired, surely they were reading cue cards on the set. The only one that put anything at all into their part was Charlotte Lewis, but then again, she was caressing Milano so she had more going for her than anyone else.

Gee, I thought vampires were supposed to rule. Appears, as I've always been told, something else entirely rules this movie....meow.... Well, like they say, sex sells!

Directed by Anne Goursaud, written by Rick Bitzelberger, Nicole Coady, Halle Eaton (should have spent just a wee bit more time on that script kiddies).

Thanks,
Susi

****Compliments of: Department of Computer Science
School of Engineering, University of Virginia



Recommended:
No

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More Embrace of the Vampire reviews
review by . December 23, 2008
Pros: Skin, skin, and more skin, if you are into that sort of thing.     Cons: The rest of the movie.     The Bottom Line: Checking in at just over 90 minutes, Embrace of the Vampire is worth it only if you want to see copious amounts of Alyssa Milano and little else.     Plot Details: This opinion reveals minor details about the movie''s plot. To label 1995's Embrace of the Vampire Alyssa Milano's coming of age flick is a gross understatement; …
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Susi Dawson ()
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About this movie

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An innocent college freshman must choose between two lives as she enters the seductive world of vampires in this erotic thriller. Available in rated and unrated versions.
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Details

Director: Anne Goursand
Release Date: 1995
MPAA Rating: R
DVD Release Date: New Line Home Video (November 02, 1999)
Runtime: 1hr 32min
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