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G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

A movie released August 07, 2009

< read all 23 reviews

A little overboard

  • Dec 20, 2009
  • by
Rating:
-1
It seems this is the decade for resurrecting old cartoons as movie franchises. Starting with x-Men, then Spiderman, then Transformers, and now G.I. Joe, each one has been jazzed up sex appeal, great special effects, big budgets, and a host of movie stars young and old. Unfortunately, all of this does not replace a good script and authentic details, both of which are lacking in this movie.

First, the general premise of the movie is nonsensical. To begin, we have an evil scientist who builds the world's ultimate weapon, metal-eating nanobots, on NATO's dime. This grand weapon is then delivered to NATO in the middle of a foreign country, to be transferred in a small convoy to storage. Last time I checked, the biggest and baddest weapons were usually developed at very secure national laboratories or military bases guarded by a whole lot of soldiers. For something so valuable to be transported across open country guarded by a handful of trucks is ridiculous. And this is how this movie begins. But of course we need such a ridiculous setup to allow the aforementioned evil scientist the opportunity to steal said weapon. Why didn't this mad scientist just program his nanobots to come alive while en route and destroy the convoy that was carrying them?

Another big problem in the script are the battle scenes, specifically how open they are. Both the good guys and the bad guys in this movie are supposed to be the world's top experts in covert action. Yet they walk around in very eye-catching outfits, pulling the trigger in very public places. So much for "covert" action. Talking about the outfits, why does the Baroness walk into battle with her breasts half-exposed. Are they supposed to distract her targets (men mainly) so she can get of the first shot? And the long hair? Come on, anyone who has served in the armed forces knows that long hair is a no-no; they easily get caught or tangled up.

And then we have various issues with casting. First of, why is the US president played by a British actor, Jonathan Price, who clearly speaks with a British accent in the movie. Come on, this is the year of Obama; get someone like Morgan Freeman or Denzel Washington to play the president. Or at least an American who does not speak with a European accent. And then notice almost everyone of note in either the G.I. Joe side or Cobra's side is either American or British. We have two characters of Middle Eastern descent, and one japanese ninja. Last time I checked, South Africa, Russia, Israel, Argentina, Colombia and numerous other countries outside of NATO have produced their fair share of para-military and cover action operatives, many of which operate on the free market. Why is there nobody from these places featured in this movie?

These are all big misses. There are lots of smaller ones also, but I think you get my point. It was overall, an OK movie thats worth the time to watch on DVD. I'm just glad I didn't spend 10 bucks to see it on the big screen.

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More G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra reviews
review by . November 06, 2009
Lately Hollywood has been trying to Monopolize on the success that Hasbro has created over the years. First in 2007 Michael Bay directed the adequate adaption of the ultra mega popular toy line and cartoon animated franchise Transformers, While his attempt was good it didn't quite make the cut as great as it could have been. Then in 2009 he made the horrible and audacious Transformers : Revenge of the Fallen which was shortly followed by Stephen Sommers G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra which in turn was …
review by . August 18, 2009
Short attention span summary (SASS):       1. GI Joe goes global, hi-tech and impossibly awesome    2. Bad guys include the standard megalomaniac with Gaelic accent, mad scientist, hot chick, martial arts expert and a horde of nano-mites, capable of never-before-seen destruction unless someone hits the kill-switch    3. Good guys include General with a heart of gold, hunky lead, comic relief sidekick, hot chick number 2, martial arts expert number 2, computer …
review by . November 05, 2009
posted in Movie Hype
Loud, Stylish and Very Fancy...Fun But Not Compelling...
   Honestly, I am not an avid fan of the G.I. animated series or the comic book published by Marvel comics back in the 80’s, therefore my knowledge of the G.I. Joe universe is very limited. I am however, aware of its characters seeing as how a bunch of my friends used to collect the little action figures. “G.I. JOE: RISE OF THE COBRA” directed by Stephen Sommers (The Mummy) was written during the writer’s strike and is geared towards a specific audience. I lowered …
review by . August 08, 2009
posted in MovieSucktastic
Written by a child at heart. This ain't your Dad's GI Joe.
The GI Joe francise has been around in one form or another since the 60's.  The most popular was it's 80's run which ran alongside the Marvel Comic book featuring more or less the same characters.  With nostalgia kicking in big time lately with old toy and comic francises being brought back and on the big screen it made sense that GI Joe would be there.      The story has Conrad Hauser and Wallace Weems are best friends in the armed forces on a mission to …
Quick Tip by . July 17, 2010
posted in Movie Hype
This movie was great I thought it keep me watching it so much.
review by . August 13, 2009
So I walked out of this movie after about 45 minutes. G.I. Joe just isn't my kind of movie, but that's not the movies problem. It's my problem. I had no business being there in the first place. For one, I was always ambivalent about the cartoon. I watched it only because it came on after the Transformers. Most of the time I didn't finish the episodes. Not much has changed considering that I saw G.I. Joe only because I had my schedule mixed up with what I really wanted to see: …
review by . August 08, 2009
   I was pleasantly surprised by how entertaining this film was.  I liked it a lot more than any of the Transformer movies and the movie never seemed to get boring.  It begins with a Scottish arms dealer caught in 1600's France being forced to wear a steel mask (which is literally burnt into his head).  We then flash forward to what is labelled "the near distant future." and the arm's dealer's later descendent is now a heavy dealer to the US military (and to other …
Quick Tip by . May 11, 2010
posted in MovieSucktastic
Surprisingly entertaining considering the bad casting, lame story, choice of characters....Lets hope a sequel is better.
review by . April 29, 2010
posted in Movie Hype
I can't say I had high expectations for any movie based on GI Joe action figures. I used to love playing the figures as a kid, but it just simply isn't movie material. G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra is probably the best they could do given the concept, but the result isn't very satisfying. It's an action movie galore, but not much else. The script gets a bit corny and cliche, with predictable lines and plot developments - like the hot GI Joe Scarlett also being the scientific nerd. I was also surprised …
Quick Tip by . January 24, 2010
If you love guns, shooting and a hell lot of action? Watch it! If you love a great storyline, then don't watch it..
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Newton Ooi ()
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Hi everyone, so here is the rundown of me. I like reading and writing, nonfiction for both. I love movies, especially original ones. I like nonfiction music, eating out, and basketball. I love to travel, … more
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G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
is a 2009 American live action film adaptation of the G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero toy franchise. The film is directed by Stephen Sommers, produced by Lorenzo di Bonaventura and written by Stuart Beattie based on a 1998 screenplay by John Paul Kay. G.I. Joe features an ensemble cast based on the various characters of the franchise. Filming took place in Downey, California and Prague's Barrandov Studios. The film was released on August 5, 2009.

The Rise of Cobrais not your grandfather's G.I. Joe. It's more like C.G.I. Joe with explosive special-effects action sequences that provide the film with a surplus of "Boom Boom Pow" (to quote the Black Eyed Peas song that drives the end credits). This blast from the summer past is very much like the metal-munching nano-mite missiles a (literally) mad Doctor (Joseph Gordon-Levitt cashing in some of his indie cred) and McCullen, a Scottish weapons dealer (Christopher Eccleston), threaten to unleash upon the world. It never stops. Ever. The original G.I. Joe action figure was an all-American hero. These Joes are--all together now--"the best of the best," an elite multi-national squad. Two soldiers, Duke (a buff Channing Tatum), an "on the ground, in the fight" kind of guy, and Ripcord (Marlon Wayans), his wisecracking best friend, are rescued by the Joes after they are ambushed while transporting the missiles. These are no ordinary Joes. Snake-Eyes (Ray Park) is a ...
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Details

Genre: Action, Adventure
Release Date: August 07, 2009
MPAA Rating: Unrated
DVD Release Date: Nov. 3, 2009
Runtime: 118 Mins.
Studio: Paramount Pictures
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