This movie is so unbelievably bad that I have to break it down into parts for this review.
Based on a video game, it comes over as The Lord of the Rings lite, complete with Orc-like Krugs, John Rhys Davies, and a guy with a Legolas hairstyle. Bad guy Gallian (Ray Liotta) swirls around in clouds of smoke, and does his business through the eyes, ears and lips of really big Krugs who ride horses.
The only redeeming parts are the fight scenes with Statham, and even the battle scenes get monotonous after a while. And speaking of the battle scenes, we get the infantry and the archers and so on, but why do we have ninjas and Amazonian tree women in the mix-up? (Mind you, Kristanna Loken of the L-Word looks really good wrapped in leaves)
Leelee Sobieski is underutilized as the daughter of Rhys Davies character Merick, but comes into her own at the end, while Matthew Lillard does his Scooby Doo thing mainly for comic relief.
Short Attention Span Summary (SASS)
1. A farmer named Farmer farms his land with his family 2. Marauding Krugs under the command of Gallian attack 3. See Farmer fight 4. Fight Farmer, fight 5. Farmer fights in vain, but lives to fight again 6. The King wants Farmer in his army, but Farmer wants to be a one-man show 7. No man is an island 8. Farmer signs up, but has problems with the armor, which doesn't suit his image 9. Battle scenes 10. Change of leadership occurs 11. Grand finale with bad guy proves that books have power 12. Women totally rock
Jason Statham's role
There once was a farmer named Farmer Who was rugged, but really no charmer When the Krugs came for battle He killed them like cattle Without ever wearing his armor
Ray Liotta's role
There once was a power drunk mage Who totally failed to engage He is so badly cast It will leave you aghast As he stinks up his time on the stage
John Rhys Davies' role
Though this ain't The Lord of the Rings We're glad for the class that he brings And though he's on his own There's a Legolas clone To help the return of the kings
Burt Reynolds' role
We're more than a little bit hurt To see what's become of old Burt More tired than mean He's a creaky machine Out of gas, and now fully inert
This movie's no more than a joke Filled with nothing but mirrors and smoke With ninjas and magic The plotline is tragic And it's NOT Uwe Boll's master stroke.
Pros: Good FX and action. Perlman and Statham Cons: Uneven plot. Some bad acting. The Bottom Line: Despite the blemishes, this was a fun movie to waste a lazy Sunday afternoon to. Plot Details: This opinion reveals minor details about the movie''s plot. Turning a video game into a movie is often a very difficult task. Faced with legions of fans and the need to compact scores of hours of game play and story into a 90-120 minute … more
I write reviews for a hobby. Most of my reviews are short and to the point, on account of my short attention span. I try to make my reviews both informative and entertaining, and sometimes I succeed. … more
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