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Lunch » Tags » Movies » Reviews » Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull » User review

Close encounters of the Von Daniken kind at the temple of doom

  • Sep 9, 2008
  • by
Rating:
+1
Short Attention Span Summary (SASS):

1. Colonel-Doctor Irina Spalko (the absolutely amazing Cate Blanchett) and her team are seeking the truth that is apparently out there. Indiana Jones (the one and only Harrison Ford) is assisting, but not entirely voluntarily.
2. All roads lead to El Dorado, and the real-life conquistador Francisco de Orellana who eventually navigated the entire Amazon River looking for it. (Note: He should have stopped in Guyana, home of the world's finest El Dorado rum. He may not have found the city of gold, but he would have been too pleasantly intoxicated to care)
3. Mutt Williams (cute as a button Shia LaBeouf) proves that he's faster than a speeding train, or at least an accelerating one. (Looks like the future of the franchise lies with him, but he's got a big Fedora to fill)
4. Weird shaped crystal skull of title proves that it's a great responsibility to wield great power.
5. Indiana's friend Harold Oxley (John Hurt) proves that one can go crazy trying to figure out why this movie goes in so many different directions
6. Marion Ravenwood (Karen Allen) returns
7. The natives are restless and get no respect
8. Movie jumps shark several times. Key words - fridge, snake, vines, cliff, waterfalls. (You'll know what I mean after you see it) Spielberg includes everything in his arsenal except the Jurassic Park dinosaurs, and ironically, the shark from Jaws.
9. Everybody gets antsy by the end, while playing catch me if you can
10. Ending disappoints, albeit with impressive special effects.


Looking for treasure
Is always a pleasure
As Harrison Ford
And Cate with her sword
Decipher the clues
That are meant to confuse
The search for the gold
Stored by people of old

Blunders and gaffes
Provide lots of laughs
As the ravenous ants
Meet with Cate Blanchett's pants
And LaBeouf does his thing
When he gets in the swing
But I'm still in the dark
Why the plot jumped the shark


Spielberg may have omitted the huge pile of mashed potatoes this time, but this mish mash of a plot isn't sufficiently spectacular to inspire ET to phone home.


Amanda Richards

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December 18, 2008
I saw this in theaters on Memorial Day, and it was so not worth the 19 year wait. Harrison Ford was in fine shape, but the script left a lot to be desired. Aliens and Indiana Jones just don't mix. I had more fun this summer checking out Wall E and the Dark Knight, and surely a lot of other people did, too.
 
December 17, 2008
Hello A. As I recall you gave this film 3 stars in your Amazon review. Why the change of heart (not that I disagree with your insightful and witty evaluation)?
 
December 10, 2008
I've wanted to see it, but haven't yet. I've been quite discouraged by the reviews, although I've had many reputable friends tell me that it was entertaining if you like the Jones movies. Quite a humorous review though.
 
September 10, 2008
Great recap of jumping the shark several times. Very funny!
 
1
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review by . May 02, 2011
You know how The Last Crusade was a step in the right direction for Indiana Jones after the disappointing sequel? Well, this is another step, a re-step if you will in the wrong direction, and easily the worst film in one of the greatest series of all time. This film brings the good old-school action and must have been quite the breath of fresh air at the time it came out, but it's still very disappointing and has very questionable special effects, plus one plot element that ruined the entire …
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review by . May 23, 2008
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review by . February 23, 2010
A little different for Indiana Jones, but still a solid entry
Well it's not as good as Raiders of the Lost Ark or The Last Crusade, but Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of Crystal Skull is still better then The Temple of Doom and will stand proud with its predecessors as a solid action flick living up to an American icon. This long awaited final chapter to the story of treasure hunter Harry "Indiana" Jones Jr. may not live up to the greatness which were the first and third entries, but don't let a simple comparison ruin the fun of this fourth movie; …
Quick Tip by . July 13, 2010
posted in Movie Hype
not worth your time if you value the original trilogy of indiana jones movies
Quick Tip by . June 11, 2010
Aliens? Are you serious?
review by . December 17, 2008
posted in Movie Hype
Looking for clues as to why this films sucks.
WARNING: This review contains spoilers!      After 19 years, Indiana Jones returns to the silver screen in what may be Steven Spielberg's worst film ever (or until now, anyway). Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is a bust. The screenplay was amateurishly written and the film itself is directed with juvenile enthusiasm. The overall mood of the picture doesn't even feel like that of Indiana Jones, but rather more like National Treasure, The Mummy Returns or …
review by . April 23, 2009
Looking back at my childhood in South London, the fact my parents had no money and worked very hard for very little was tempered by the escape from reality afforded me by film. And as a child, the films that stood out above all else, that revealed another world of possibility and adventure, were Indiana Jones and Star Wars. I've also probably seen The Neverending Story a hundred times too, but the enduring quality of Indiana Jones meant that even last year we dropped $60 on the box trilogy set to …
Quick Tip by . April 01, 2010
Jumped the shark the moment the Indiana Jones survived the nuclear blast.
Quick Tip by . November 19, 2009
Utterly Disappointing attempt by Spielberg! I won't even bother writing a full review for this one...
About the reviewer
Amanda Richards ()
Ranked #38
I write reviews for a hobby. Most of my reviews are short and to the point, on account of my short attention span. I try to make my reviews both informative and entertaining, and sometimes I succeed. … more
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Nearly 20 years after riding his last Crusade, Harrison Ford makes a welcome return as archaeologist/relic hunter Indiana Jones inIndiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, an action-packed fourth installment that's, in a nutshell, less memorable than the first three but great nostalgia for fans of the series. Producer George Lucas and screenwriter David Koepp (War of the Worlds) set the film during the cold war, as the Soviets--replacing Nazis as Indy's villains of choice and led by a sword-wielding Cate Blanchett with black bob and sunglasses--are in pursuit of a crystal skull, which has mystical powers related to a city of gold. After escaping from them in a spectacular opening action sequence, Indy is coerced to head to Peru at the behest of a young greaser (Shia LaBeouf) whose friend--and Indy's colleague--Professor Oxley (John Hurt) has been captured for his knowledge of the skull's whereabouts. Whatever secrets the skull holds are tertiary; its reveal is the weakest part of the movie, as the CGI effects that inevitably accompany it feel jarring next to the boulder-rolling world of Indy audiences knew and loved. There's plenty of comedy, delightful stunts--ants play a deadly role here--and the return ofRaiderslove interest Karen Allen as Marion Ravenwood, once shrill but now softened, giving her ex-love bemused glances and eye-rolls as he huffs his way to save the day. Which brings us to Ford: bullwhip still in hand, he's a little ...
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Details

Director: Steven Spielberg
Genre: Action, Adventure
Release Date: May 22, 2008
MPAA Rating: PG-13
DVD Release Date: October 14, 2008
Runtime: 122 minutes
Studio: Paramount
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