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Resident Evil

Director: Paul Anderson; Stars: Milla Jovovich, Michelle Rodriguez; Release Date: January 01, 2008

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Shooting. CGI. Shooting. CGI. Shooting. BORING.

  • Jan 15, 2011
Rating:
-4
* out of ****

I've learned to do one thing while watching and critiquing a video game-to-movie adaptation; recognize it for not being directed by the infamous Uwe Boll. However, does that make it not suck? No, it just makes it less "one of the worst films of all time" in its quality. I've seen filmic hell when it comes to Video Game-based films, and "Resident Evil" helps me to revisit those particularly unpleasant realms. "Resident Evil" is not directed by Uwe Boll; it's directed by Paul W.S. Anderson. That's essentially the only "good" thing about the movie. The rest of it is all a part of a very tedious, very boring, and very stupid ride. Maybe I would have enjoyed this film if it knew how dumb it was, but it doesn't. It tries to be overly serious and perhaps that's where it's the biggest let-down. Acting sucks. Plot sucks. Action sucks. CGI kind of sucks. It's somewhat of a pointless ordeal, and it never really gets you hooked. It starts out by being one of the worst movies of 2002 and frankly, it never leaves that kind of territory. No, "Resident Evil" decides to stay terrible. And that's what I hate so much about it. It's just plain cheesy; a flick that tries so hard to crank up on the gore and special effects but achieves only one thing: the ability of endless boredom. I don't know I found myself so bored. I mean, a film so goddamn loud can't be that boring, right? Wrong! It CAN be boring. In fact, "Resident Evil" proves this. It's horrible not because it's depraved in its chaos or necessarily brutal in its violence; but because it's never risky enough to attempt either. As a film based on such a solid Video Game, it doesn't pack a particularly powerful punch. Instead, it's a forgettable, utter failure. Fans of "Resident Evil" might appreciate it. But that's because they're too blind to see just how stupid the film based on the beloved franchise is. Why, it's uninspired; uninteresting. The only thing it inspires the audience to do is fall asleep; and few films really do that. For all its gun-toting, chaotic violence, "Resident Evil" isn't even decent as an unintentionally comedy. It won't even go on to be a cult film. I know this because most films lovers will hate it. This is because it's a film made for profit and nothing more. How junk like this even made money or had commercial advertising is beyond me. Since Paul W.S. Anderson can't even pay for good CGI, it makes me wonder how he made any attempt to let his film get known. I guess it doesn't matter, because it happened, and so did the movie. It's the kind of potboiler that you should shove to the side, because few films in its year were really this tedious and flat-out boring. Avoid it like the plague.

It's somewhere in the future, and a virus has just been let loose onto the world. It first spreads to the entire staff of a popular Genetic Research Facility, and the virus happens to turn everyone into a blood-thirst zombie. This means that our unassuming heroes/heroines (one of them being the widely-known Alice) continuously borrow from other Zombie films in terms of dialogue. I won't tell you what they say, since none of it really affects the plot. Oh wait, "Resident Evil" has a plot? I could have fooled you there. Yeah, something in my gut tells me that nothing can possibly hurt "Resident Evil" more than the fact that Anderson puts silly gun-fights and Undead Doggies over a story-line. Yeah, the movie tries a little bit to have a plot. And by the end, it leaves room for a potentially mediocre sequel. But that doesn't mean that it succeeds-whatsoever-in telling a story. If it tells one, then it's an almost overwhelmingly pathetic trifle. I don't think that it will even please hardcore "Resident Evil" fans, given that it's such a sad, sad little film. The reason I hate it is because it's made for nothing more than mere profit. The characters are bland, bland, bland. The story is also bland, bland, bland. There's just not enough to look at; correction, there's NOTHING to look at. "Resident Evil" has been done right, but under many different names. Look at those titles for the experience that "Resident Evil" promises and fails to deliver. Watch "Dawn of the Dead" and "Crank". Both of those films combined will make you understand just what Paul W.S. Anderson's flick was trying to do.

I don't get it; Milla Jovovich is a talented actor. I know this from various other films in which she succeeded in showing her limited but existent talent. Why can't she be good as Alice? Instead of being one of her more respectable roles, it's one of her least inspired. Alice is perhaps iconic to Jovovich since there's a lot of big-ass "Resident Evil" fans out there. But among the film community, her performance needs nothing. In fact, it's ultimately rendered pathetic when you think it over. And she's not the only one at fault. Every single actor is absolutely horrible; uttering dialogue as inspired as their characters. Half of it just feels silly, and not the kind that I would have taken guilty pleasure in watching. There's absolutely no reward to sitting through this particular ordeal, and if you want to see Jovovich do some good for once, then please look elsewhere.

Is it really too hard to look at some "Resident Evil" fan-forum? Is it as if Paul W.S. Anderson didn't even PLAY "Resident Evil" or any of its spinoffs/sequels before he made this disaster? You know what, that's got to be it. He just doesn't understand what fans and movie-goers alike would have gone to the movie for. It needs a lot more monsters, and the monsters it does have just look down-right pathetic. A friend of mine once told me that he watches this film series for the mutated/undead critters. I beg to differ; that's the opposite of why I would want to watch this flawed flick. Where do I begin when it comes to production flaws? Well first off, I guess I can say that "Resident Evil" is visually lame in about every way. Yes, there's CGI, but it essentially sucks. And yes, there's pretty cinematography. And by pretty, I mean intentionally stylish crap that never manages to stun. As with most Blockbuster Actioners, there's slow-motion. Not a lot of it, but plenty to make "Resident Evil" every bit as generic as any other action flick released in its year or even its decade. The music is intended to inspire intensity. You know what I think it inspires? I think it inspires Cthulhu Worship. That's right, the unholy act. That's how anti-entertaining it is. If you want entertaining, don't watch a Video Game movie. They just can't deliver. I saw turn to a real film instead of these pathetic efforts. And since it's so darned stupid, "Resident Evil" is the work of yet another cinematic swine. We need more Swine Slaughterers.

I hated this movie. I think I hated it because it has no style; no class. I think it wants to be cool, but you know what; it's dumb as hell. It's also cheesy, formulaic, and devoid of interest. I can't be entertained by a film this lame, and I certainly can't be entertained when the only CGI in the flick is horrible. I mean, I could have been entertained. I just choose not to be, and this movie never made me change my mind. It's just not good enough, or good whatsoever, as the matter may be. My advice is to miss this flick; I thought it was horrible in its quality. There's no craft involved, and it's an unnecessary potboiler through-and-through. "Resident Evil" fans fear not; you may mildly enjoy yourselves. I'd be darned if at least somewhat liked Paul W.S. Anderson's epic failure. But what the hell: it's somewhat made for the fans. The dumb side of them anyways. However, us film lovers are most likely not a part of those "fans". We want a film which we can relate to without playing a freaking Video Game. Maybe this is what most Video Game movies are missing; appeal. Yeah, that's got to be it. I think I will request this if another attempt (non-Uwe Boll) is made. I think it will be of benefit. I would include a "look at the bright side" section to this review, although there IS no bright side. Of course aside from the fact that it's not directed by Boll. While that's all great in wonderful, "Resident Evil" is not. What all the mess accumulates to is a formulaic, joyless ride. It's awfulness is nearly infectious.

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January 17, 2011
You said it perfect with "Is it as if Paul W.S. Anderson didn't even PLAY "Resident Evil" or any of its spinoffs/sequels before he made this disaster?", I felt the same way. I actually liked the movie but I don't know why, maybe because of Michelle Rodriguez. Also is it bad that there is actually a Uwe Boll movie I liked.
January 17, 2011
Which one is that?
January 17, 2011
"Postal", he actually got what the game was about and made the film just as fun and crazy. Not a film for everybody but at least the film matched the game.
January 18, 2011
I watched the trailer and it didn't look that amusing to me. It's supposed to be possibly the only watchable movie he's made; but still not technically good. But you're entitled to your opinion.
 
January 15, 2011
Yeah, I agree with you though I have to admit I thought this was guilty fun. I liked the CGI animated movie from Japan better. Uwe Boll....ugh.
January 15, 2011
OH GOD...
January 15, 2011
you should make a list of worst Uwe Boll movies ever LOL!
January 15, 2011
I would, but honestly, what would be the point?
January 15, 2011
to have a little fun amongst ourselves and maybe...just maybe hotshot producers will see the list and they'll see Boll for what he is LOL!
January 17, 2011
I haven't seen an Uwe Boll movie in a while and perhaps I should just to have another good rant.
 
1
More Resident Evil reviews
Quick Tip by . July 27, 2010
posted in Movie Hype
the game was fun and the movie was awsome! action, zombies, and hot girls whats not to like?
Quick Tip by . July 21, 2010
posted in Movie Hype
Best movie I have seen so far and the whole story might have not gone exactly as the story of the game but I thought it was better then the game and any of you gamers like my self do not agree then say some thing.
review by . May 12, 2009
Resident Evil (2002) is a movie that's loosely based on the zombie killing video game series. If you're going to make a movie based upon a video game at least play it before you decide to write and direct a movie based on it. I've seen several Japanese zombie flicks that are not based on the game that are more truer to the original source than this movie. Leave it up to Paul W. Anderson to take a brilliant concept and ruin it by making a movie that is so unlike the game. By itself it's a decent …
review by . April 01, 2008
resident evil
Resident Evil is a loud, annoying, and gloriously dumb action-horror movie that might have been a good popcorn flick if it were more fun. Instead, it's as formulaic and predictable as a high-gloss, no substance action movie can be, surprisingly devoid of a real sense of fun or any chills. It just ambles along with bland action set pieces sprinkled amid scenes of even worse dialogue. I can enjoy a mindless B-movie as much as the next guy (if you read my reviews, you should know that), but this film …
About the reviewer
Ryan J. Marshall ()
Ranked #11
It's very likely that the only kind of reviews I'll ever post here are movie reviews. I'm very passionate about film; and at this point, it pretty much controls my life. Film gives us a purpose; … more
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The Umbrella Corporation's Vault, a secret facility located deep below Raccoon City, is sabotaged and a deadly virus is stolen. In the mansion that conceals another entrance to the Vault, Alice (Milla Jovovich) lies on the shower floor, naked except for the shower curtain. She can't remember anything but, as she dresses, she recalls memory fragments. Then, masked intruders burst through the windows. They tell Alice she is a Corporation agent living undercover in the mansion. She goes with them into the Vault to discover who sabotaged it. As they penetrate the Vault, trying to get to the Red Queen, the computer system at the heart of the facility, Alice and her confederates face many horrors--dead bodies suspended in water, blood-red flayed dogs, flesh-eating zombies, and "the Licker," a dynamically mutating monster.

Basing RESIDENT EVIL on the popular video game, writer-director Paul W.S. Anderson delivers a tense, exciting science-fiction/horror film. Anderson and director of photography Davi...
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