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Smokin' Aces

A movie directed by Joe Carnahan

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A Quick Tip by RabidChihuahua

  • Jun 13, 2012
This is one of the absolute worst movies I've ever seen in my entire life.

Smokin' Aces is essentially an amalgamation of all the most cliche yet trendy shit that's popular in Hollywood.  This celluloid crap is merely yet another convoluted tale with far too many characters (ranging from uninteresting at best, extremely annoying at worst), slick and fast video editing that would be right at home with whatever pap Jason Statham stars in, and self-congradulatory "witty dialogue" taken from Quentin Tarantino's trash bin.  Joe Carnahan doesn't have a single shred of originality in his body, and he couldn't direct his way out of a paper bag, let alone a Hollywood movie.

I think of all the movies tagged with the phrase "all style and no substance," this movie best embodies that.

If given the choice between having to watch Smokin' Aces and Battlefield Earth, I'd take the latter in a nanosecond.
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June 15, 2012
Unlike this trash, Battlefield Earth can be redeemed with its very funny Rifftrax audio!

Not too many years ago, I winced with embarrassment at this picture's theatrical trailer, which contained an exorbitance of appallingly stupid, bromidic dialogue, meretricious tinted photography, editing so rote that its convention can be inferred by advertisement and the invariably repulsive Jeremy Piven, among the worst excuses for an actor that Hollywood's dredged from its distended bowels in the course of the last twenty years. So, I restrained myself from attending its premiere.

If you're not owed a stipend for enduring the entirety of this septic shit, you probably should be. A movie starring Piven and multi-untalented Alicia Keyes and posterior-countenanced Ben Affleck and subhuman Ryan Reynolds surely qualifies as a war crime.
June 18, 2012
Thanks for the addendum of reasons to loathe this shit film, Robert. I don't even want to make a full review of this movie because if I have to either go into any deep thought about this one or have to re-watch it to make more detailed points, it would probably feel as painful as uncovering suppressed molestation memories.

Now I want to get the Rifftrax for BE. With that said, I'm sure Mike and his robot pals would say "Fuck this, we're not doing it!" if they had to make any riffs on Smokin' Aces.

The only good things I have to say about this celluloid abomination is that I watched it for free (someone lent me a copy) and that it ended.
June 19, 2012
An early version of my Hair review excoriated Forman's screen adaptation, likening it to footage of cousin incest inadvertently viewed at a family reunion. That passage has since been excised, but it's still true.

Requests for Rifftrax to assay Showgirls were declined by Mike Nelson, who declares Verhoeven's evacuative masterwork too disgusting for consumption, but this is definitely up their alley.
 
June 15, 2012
this is one of those action movies that I almost fell asleep to LOL
June 15, 2012
Well said.
 
1
More Smokin' Aces reviews
Quick Tip by . May 24, 2010
What an unexpected surprise! The cast is awesome, the comedy is well-written, and the violence is plentiful.
review by . November 17, 2009
Movies like  this are, like I've said many times before, a dime a dozen  but once in a great while you  get  a rare coin  in the bunch of old dull ones, and Smokin' Aces is that rare  coin. It's slick, stylish, brutal, funny at times, dark , witty and smart It's got the making of a great action  thriller  and it's not afraid to show it.            Smokin' Aces is a brash   action film that is straight out of …
review by . February 24, 2008
Pros: The ever sexy Alicia Keys looking, well, sexy.      Cons: Everything else.     The Bottom Line: As the movie closes one of the characters, banged up and bleeding pleads with another to “Make it make sense.” Too Late!     Plot Details: This opinion reveals minor details about the movie's plot. I will be the first to admit that Alicia Keys is one of the most beautiful, sexy, and talented women in the entertainment business, but she …
review by . April 26, 2007
Trying to keep track of the huge cast of characters, keeping their various allegiances to the plethora of participating assailants, requires a scorecard in the film SMOKIN' ACES. Writer/Director Joe Carnahan has style and the film's similarity to the many other cop/mob caper movies is evident, but Carnahan like to blitz the eye of the viewer with so much visual information (multiple tracks, quick scene flashes, unexplained flashbacks, etc) that when coupled with a soundtrack that is burdened with …
review by . April 18, 2007
posted in Movie Hype
Writer/director Joe Carnahan takes a note from Quentin Tarantino and Tony Scott in Smokin' Aces, a gleefully violent, nihilistic, sexist romp. Carnahan isn't trying to say anything, he just wants to make a slammin' guy flick with lots of shooting and explosions. To this effect, the plot is secondary; all that matters is this elaborate situation he sets up where an army of bounty hunters all descend upon Lake Tahoe to try to get the bounty on Buddy "Aces" Israel (Jeremy Piven,). The action moves …
review by . April 17, 2007
posted in Movie Hype
Unnecessarily intricate, but sometimes fun, 'Smokin' Aces is an uneven, 'Kill Bill' or 'Get Shorty'. Containing some big laughs and some skillful scenes, the movie, nevertheless, should stick to its hand and often folds on focus. The plot is developed alright, but unlike other venues that come to mind, 'Crank' (Fun), 'The Departed' (Twisty and Entertaining), 'Running Scared' (Awesomely Wild) and 'Pulp Fiction' (Clever) or 'Inside Man' (Intelligent), it isn't nearly as satisfying. By the time one …
About the reviewer
David Kozak ()
Ranked #22
I'm a morbid cynic who thinks very, very differently from most other people. Chances are, if the majority says X is the greatest in its category, I'll disagree with that notion, because I tend … more
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Fresh from his success with HBO's ENTOURAGE, Jeremy Piven gives his career a further boost by taking the lead role in director Joe Carnahan's (NARC) fast-paced thriller, SMOKING ACES. Piven plays Buddy "Aces" Israel, a former Vegas performer who has holed up in the penthouse suite of a Lake Tahoe casino after what seems like half the planet decides they want him dead. The reason for this bloodlust stems from Israel's dalliances with the mob, who have put a $1 million price tag on his head after discovering he is about to tell all to the feds. The only people who don't want to put a premature end to Israel's life are two FBI agents, played by Ryan Reynolds and Ray Liotta, and their boss, Andy Garcia. As various assassins attempt to put an end to Israel's pitiful existence, a parade of celebrity cameos ensues, including Alicia Keys, Common, Ben Affleck, and Jason Bateman. <br> <br> Carnahan soaks the screen with vivid primary colors, lots of flashy set pieces, and plenty of guns and violence as his movie ...
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