This movie was aggressively mediocre, pretty much nothing but a star vehicle for Johnny and Angelina. For those who don't know what a star vehicle is, it's a movie that has nothing going for it other than the celebrity of one or two leading actors. If two different actors were cast in the roles of Frank and Elise, then this movie would be worse than 0%. That being said, it wasn't a good movie, not even close.
I like Johnny Depp and Paul Bettany, but I cannot stand Angelina Jolie. She shouldn't be famous, she's not talented, and she looks like an old sea hag. Naturally, I hated her in this movie, but what I was surprised by was how much Johnny Depp sucked. He was actually worse than he was in Charlie and the Chocolate Factors, as this is by far his worst performance to date. Paul Bettany out-acted the two of them in spades and was one of the only saving graces about the movie. The characters were also poorly written and cliched and Depp and Jolie had little to no chemistry at all.
For the action/comedy/thriller that this was marketed to be, there was a surprising lack of action, comedy, and thrills. Either give Johnny a gun, or throw in some jokes, because you won't be able to hold the attention of the audience otherwise. There's maybe two chase scenes in the movie, and neither of them kept my attention. In fact, throughout the movie, I was struggling not to fall asleep. As for comedy, I may have laughed once or twice, but most of the attempted jokes fall flat. The movie is also completely thrill-less, as you can see by my falling asleep remark, and the twist ending seemed very forced.
So I've bashed it so much, you're probably wondering why I gave it a 30% and not a 0%. Well, it's just pretty people (seemingly, although I don't agree) in pretty places doing pretty things like dancing and going to parties. The Italian and French set pieces are also incredibly nice, as are the nice clothes that Jolie wears (even though some are hideous, like the white dress she wears in the middle of the movie). I also gave it a thirty because of Paul Bettany's performance and the two times I laughed. But other than that stuff, the rest of the movie was aggressively horrible.
Overall, The Tourist is a thrill-less, laugh-less, and action-less action/thriller/comedy that had nothing going for it but the star power of Johnny and Angelina, and they disappointed more than ever. If you haven't seen this, I would strongly recommend against it unless you like mediocre films. If i were to describe the movie in one word, it would be: BORING. All in all, this is just a boring, mediocre action film, where the commercials were better than the actual movie
