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Thor (film)

A 2011 action/fantasy film directed by Kenneth Branagh.

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Thor Wears Women's Underwear

  • May 23, 2011
  • by
The title to this post is in no way true... but it got your attention.

This  past weekend I happened to catch "Thor," the latest super hero movie destined to culminate in the fanboy joygazm that will soon be know as "The Avengers."  Now before I saw this movie I heard a great many mixed reviews from a great many people: "It's the greatest super hero movie ever," "It was totally gay," "The only thing redeeming was the costumes," "Chris Hemsworth is incredibly hot," "The 3d was horribly distracting," "Jay and Silent Bob are f**king clown shoes," but I went into it with an open mind.

Now the first aspect I wanna address is not the plot.  I am not really familiar with the Thor comic series, however a friend of mine who does follow the comics assures me that the story is pretty weak.  Instead I will first comment on the movie's accuracy relative to old Norse mythology or Asatru as it's know by those who still practice it:  I enjoyed how they applied the structure of the Norse universe to a more modern understanding and making it more believable and relevant.  The idea of the Gods being Celestial beings that man has worshiped as gods, actually makes me think of Stargate SG1 where the malicious Ghou'ld and the benevolent Asgard are replaced by the Frost Giants and the Gods.  And since I've brought up Stargate:  The Frost Giants are dead ringers for the Wraith.  The depiction of the creation of the Gods was completely strange.  Instead of Ohin slaying Imir and drowning the whole race of Giants in his blood, the Gods fought a war with the Frost Giants who I guess now are the only giants, plus the movie fails to mention any of the incestuous jinks that is the origin of the Norse gods.  The depiction of Odin was largely accurate.  Thor, aside from being commonly referred to in mythology as "the red-headed god," is much like his counterpart.  Now the idea of Odin naming Thor as his successor is confusing to me as both of them are ancient and immortal...ish.  Now I say "ish" because in the mythology gods die all the time they just don't age.  Odin was the king of the Gods and Thor was the protector of man.  Loki was portrayed less accurately.  Loki is a fire giant who tricked his into being a god by becoming Odin's blood brother until he murdered another god and was bound to a rock by a serpent until the end of the world.  In the movie he is quite different as this review will show.

So after Odin (Anthony Hopkins) brings us up to speed on the history of the Universe with a very Lord of the Rings introduction Thor (Chris Hemsworth) leads a bunch of his friends into Frost Giant Land because they interrupted his coronation to attack Asgard's power source.  Apparently the Frost Giants knew the exact moment to personally make sure to interrupt with a suicide run.  But Thor's plan goes awry as his small band of friends is no match for an entire Giant army.  But Odin shows up at the last minute to save the day.  For his actions Thor not only cannot be king but his must we banished to earth so he lands on Natalie Portman's car.  Meanwhile Odin, the rune master, accidentally puts a Celtic rune, that in fact has nothing to do with either of them, on Thor's hammer and sends it off to earth where it becomes a lame knock off of "The Sword and the Stone."

Thor escapes the hospital and meets back up with Jane Foster (Natalie Portman) and Erik Selvig (Stellan Skarsgard).  Thor proves himself to be a very charming douche bag as he has breakfast, thanks them and goes off to get his hammer back.  Jane, who we learn has been studying aliens comes to find that S.H.I.E.L.D. has arrived following the hammer's decent and confiscated all of her stuff so she goes to help Thor who promised to return her property.

So Thor breaks into the S.H.I.E.L.D. compound that has been erected over his hammer that none have been able to pull.  This compound also happens to be the exact same one used in "ET" so many years ago.  So Thor sucker-punches his way through a bunch of special ops guys and makes it to his hammer.  A sniper is trained on him but his superior wants to see what will happen.  Thor grabs his hammer and it will not budge.  You see he had forgotten his watch and did not realize that it was still way too early in the movie for him to get his power.  So the S.H.I.E.L.D. guys get him.  Thor is now imprisoned and interrogated.  They wonder how he beat their guys, where he got his training.  Was he a foreign mercenary? a terrorist?  He just stonewalled them until Erik came to his rescue with a very unbelievable story about steroids.  So they release him because I guess a potential terrorist who breaks into a secret government fortification couldn't possibly be a threat if he has blond hair and does steroids.

Meanwhile in Asgard, Loki (Tim Hiddleston), Thor's brother in this version of the story, has taken his place as the heir to the throne.  He discovers that he is not in fact Odin's son, he is actually a Frost Giant whom Odin rescued after probably slaughtering his whole family.  So Loki all of the sudden becomes Joaquin Phoenix from "Gladiator" and turns on Marcus... I mean Odin.  With Odin incapacitated Loki takes the throne and Thor's friends go off to find him.

So back on earth, after a night drinking with Erik, Thor and Jane have fallen in love.  I'm not exactly sure at what point this happened but I think it might be right around the time Thor spake the bast quote of the film:  "We drank, we fought, he made his ancestors proud."  And Thor's friends find them then.  Upset about this, Loki sends a giant fire-breathing robot after them.  Being too "human" to be useful in battle, Thor helps evacuate people while his friends fight.  But they get their asses kicked so Thor decides now must sacrifice himself because I guess that'll make the robot go away.  So it punches him in face and at that moment he is redeemed.  The hammer flies into his arms and brings with it a change of clothing.  Thor is himself again and a giant fire-breathing robot is no match for Thor and the power of friendship.  Gay.

Thor must return to Asgard now because Loki in a total Joaquin Phoenix state of mind decides to wipe out the Frost Giants to impress his fake dad who he's put in a coma.  Thor must save the Frost Giants because at some point in the story I missed they became friends instead of enemies.  So Thor destroys Bifrost, cutting himself off from earth, and casts Loki into the void.

Kenneth Branagh was the director which I was very surprised to discover because this was hardly "Much Ado About Nothing."  This was more "Transformers" meets "Dungeons and Dragons."  I had just assumed this was a Michael Bay movie with the grandiose visual effects and hackneyed plot.  The-greatest-super-hero-movie-ever this was not.  If I were to be honest I would have to say that the script is almost worth of being a SyFy Original Movie perhaps with Bruce Campbell playing the part of Erik.  There were absolutely no surprises in the story:  The moment Thor went after his hammer you knew he was gonna make it, fail to pull it and should, "WHY!"  It was obvious Thor would destroy Bifrost and Loki would fall into the void.  And we knew he would fall in love though I still don't know exactly at what point it happened, the only surprise.  And the last part with Nick Fury and the shady meeting you knew from the very start Loki, probably in the form of a reflection, would show up.

A lot of people hated on the 3d effects.  This is one place I disagreed with many.  A lot of people said that they 3d effects were distraction and in no way enhanced the experience.  I didn't really find them that distracting, it wasn't like ever single shot in "My Bloody Valentine."  And although they were useless for most of movie, I thought the 3d effects really added to the more wide landscapes:  Asgard, the Frost Giant world, I really like the 3d world tree.

So yeah, "Thor" is visually awesome but I wouldn't call it a good movie.

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More Thor (2011 movie) reviews
review by . May 06, 2011
posted in Movie Hype
Whosoever Holds This Hammer If He Be Worthy, Shall Possess The Power of Thor!!
Those who follow my blurbs and/or write ups know that I have recently posted a sort of ‘guide’ to Thor since I think it is safe to assume that not that many folks have knowledge of the character and who he is. The character isn’t as widely popular as “Superman” or as familiar as Spider-Man. Well, after almost 50 years, the Marvel character known as “Thor” is finally being unleashed as a massive mainstream movie. When I heard that the first intended director …
review by . May 05, 2011
posted in Movie Hype
The God of Thunder Finally On His First Feature Film...Hype On!!
It is pretty much to be expected that I will be reviewing the film “Thor” for Movie Hype since I am a Marvel comics nut and that I pretty much almost own (or owned, since I lost a small number in a flood) every issue of the comic series since Thor first appeared in “Journey Into Mystery”. I even used "Thor" as my profile avatar in this site for awhile (people asked me: "Is that He-Man?" LOL!). To hype up the film adaptation of Marvel’s own “God …
review by . May 06, 2012
posted in Movie Hype
This S.H.I.E.L.D. movie neded more Thor
Remember the 80's with movies like Masters of the Universe, Beastmaster 2, among others that took it's far out fantasy characters from another world, took them from that other world and dropped them into modern day Earth?  How about other comic movies like Judge Dredd that remove the protagonist from his job and have him more down to earth or less fantastic?  Thats what sadly happens here to Thor but don't compare this completely to those I just mentioned as it's not that …
review by . May 07, 2011
posted in Movie Hype
Most people would recognize Kenneth Branagh as one of top Shakespearean actors or more recently for his role as Professor Lockhart.  His is a brilliant actor in just about everything he does (even though sometimes over acted), and although this is not his first stab at directing it is his first take at a film of such "epic" proportions. I will however be completely honest with you, if you attempt to go see Thor in 3D you are wasting your money.  There is NOTHING 3D about this …
review by . December 06, 2011
'Thor' at first glance doesn't do anything new, but it's so well done, it absorbs for two hours and leaves one feeling entirely transported. The plot is hardly convoluted: Thor is groomed to be the next successor for his elderly father, but Thors headstrong, warlord character flaws get him kicked out of the galaxy (sort of a part Scandinavia in space) and sent to earth, almost powerless. The culture clash is like an alien pro wrestler caught in a web of our present, complicated society. Kenneth …
review by . May 10, 2011
   And so begins the summer; not with a whimper, but with a bang. Yes, Kenneth Branagh’s super-hero epic has arrived, and it’s… really quite good, actually, provided you just put your brain into neutral and let the sheer energy of it all roll over you. The story tells the tale of Thor (Chris Hemsworth, who is certainly not the worst-looking man ever filmed), a young Asgardian about to be made heir to the throne by his father, Odin (Anthony Hopkins). In the background …
review by . October 09, 2011
posted in Movie Hype
**1/2 out of ****     Explosions, special effects, a sense of humor, and enthusiastic, dedicated leads. I'm getting tired of superhero movies; as 2011 seems to be a pretty big year for them, albeit a very mediocre one. You've got your good superhero movies and then you've got the ones that lack depth of importance. Chances are, I will forget most of the superhero movies I've seen including the ones that I simply liked. The ones that I loved shall get a much more appropriate treatment. …
review by . June 01, 2011
Call Down Thunder!
I've waited a very long time to see a film adaptation of Thor hit the big screen.  I've always been a fan of Marvel's version of the God of Thunder, and I'm even a bigger fan of the Thor of Norse mythology.  When I heard that Kenneth Branagh would be at the helm of this project, I knew immediately that Marvel was doing something really special with the story, and I was right.      Thor opens with a description of the great battle between the Asgardians …
review by . May 20, 2011
posted in Movie Hype
The superhero movie has been a staple of the big budget studio blockbuster for a decade now. They always make it one of their tent pole movies; and even if it gets bad reviews the studio always gets their money back, and then some. Since movies like ‘The Dark Knight’ and ‘Iron Man,’ the bar is now so high it may not be possible to just crank these movies out. Unless you are looking to only use this plot as a jumping off point to a huge ensemble undertaking next year …
review by . September 17, 2011
posted in Movie Hype
I wasn't expecting much when I saw this film. I was thinking that it would be worse than Daredevil. It was actually better. Asgard had been at war with the Storm Giants but a truce now prevails. Thor and his brother Loki are shown being tutored by their father, Odin who is also King of Asgard.    Odin decides that he will name Thor as his air and on the day he will make it public, some Storm Giants are able to sneak in to try to steal a casket that will give their realm great …
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Poster art for "Thor 3D."
Marvel Studios expands its film universe with a new type of superhero: THOR. This epic adventure spans the Marvel Universe; from present day Earth to the realm of Asgard. At the center of the story is The Mighty Thor, a powerful but arrogant warrior whose reckless actions reignite an ancient war. Thor is cast down to Earth and forced to live among humans as punishment. Once here, Thor learns what it takes to be a true hero when the most dangerous villain of his world sends the darkest forces of Asgard to invade Earth. Kenneth Branagh directs this fantasy epic which stars Australian actor Chris Hemsworth as the ancient Norse god, Tom Hiddleston as his evil brother Loki, Natalie Portman as Jane Foster, a young woman who befriends Thor on Earth, and Anthony Hopkins as Odin, Thor's father and king of Asgard. Expect to see agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., previously seen in ''Iron Man,'' to make an appearance, further forshadowing the coming of The Avengers!

Directed by Kenneth Branagh. With Natalie Portman, Chris Hemsworth, Idris Elba.  Visit IMDb for Photos, Showtimes, Cast, Crew, Reviews, Plot Summary, Comments, Discussions, Taglines, Trailers, Posters, Fan Sites
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Director: Kenneth Branagh
Genre: Action, Adventure, Fantasy
MPAA Rating: PG-13
Runtime: 115 minutes
Studio: Marvel Studios, Paramount Pictures
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