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Transformers Revenge of the Fallen Poster

2009 Sequel to the hit film Transformers

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A Diva in Action Porno Form

  • Sep 11, 2011
Rating:
-4
There are times when the true, awe-inspiring stupidity and insipidness of mass media works never really strikes you until the thought hits: THIS. WAS. WRITTEN. By people who presumably have normally functioning human brains. Sometimes by more than one of those said people. For every work of art in which you are keen on finding out who the artist is in order to praise him, there are many others so bad you put them out of your head, forgetting completely that people were behind them making them work. Elevator muzak, for example, was printed out on paper, then recorded by real musicians with real instruments in recording studios. The lame jokes dominating family sitcoms such as Full House were also written.

That feeling hit me once again when I watched Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. It's true we don't expect a whole lot of depth from a Michael Bay movie, but Revenge of the Fallen takes hormonal teenage guy visual candy to an unprecedented level. Although Bay doesn't use his seizure-inducing flash cut style to his usual extent in this movie, it does contain all of the mean-spirited drunken frat boy in your face attitude that also defines his films. One of the opening jokes features main character Sam Witwicky's pet dogs humping each other, another features his mother eating pot brownies, and it culminates with one of Sam's friends being put down with a freaking taser because he won't shut up! Meanwhile, the romantic subplot revolves around Sam's apparent inability to say the three magic romance words to Mikayla. People, somebody wrote all this!

Part of the problem is pretty generic; this is a movie which is trying to center a plot about giant transforming robots trying to destroy each other around humans. The main characters are Sam Witwicky and his girlfriend Mikayla, both returning from the first Transformers movie. Sam is off to college, but he begins speaking jibberish in class. He is seeing symbols which he apparently picked up when the all spark from the last movie went kablooey, and this makes him the only source of the history of Cybertron. Everyone is after him. Ultimately there's something about a group of Transformers called the Fallen, and another something about some kind of doomsday device.

It isn't that I didn't want to pay attention or didn't try. It's just that trying to pay attention is a chore. Michael Bay directed Revenge of the Fallen with the completely wrong idea of the proper way of holding the audience's attention at any and all cost. He doesn't do it through good storytelling, but with female curves and explodey things. Normally, things like that make for a very fun action movie, but the problem is that your brain can only take so much visual candy before it tunes out. Revenge of the Fallen is two and a half hours long, which is an awful long time to watch mindless action candy no matter how much you love it. By the end, my brain was so numb that it felt like it was drizzling out of my ears.

Revenge of the Fallen plays out like one giant action sequence without any of the wit needed to make it bearable. The plot thread about Sam's symbols wears out before the halfway point, and the rest of the movie blends together from there. Stuff happens, matter explodes, and many of the robots talk in the most annoying voices possible. Everyone just forgets everything the movie is supposed to be about, which is usually acceptable for brain candy. But this feels different because of the length - it feels like everyone had a base need or desire to replace the story with as much gratuitous action as possible.

The movie isn't served very well by its mythology. Yes, the movie tries to push a mystical, mythological background onto us to make it interesting. To my utter lack of surprise, this fails. The big problem is that Michael Bay doesn't know when to lay off his accelerator. In order to tell a good story epic, the story has to remain strong. The Lord of the Rings and Avatar had stories and themes. I would blame the writers for being blind rats, but the three-person writing crew includes Ehren Kruger (The Ring) and two of the writers of the awesome 2009 Star Trek reboot. Let's chalk this up to executive interference. Anyway, Bay hits the gas and drives this movie right over the canyon. The difference between him and James Cameron is that Cameron knows to let up at times to let the story go in whatever natural direction it's turning in.

The advice of Timothy Leary applies when you shove Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen into your disc tray. Tune in, turn on, drop out. Worse than being a shiny thing that doesn't realize it's a shiny thing, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen DOES know it's a shiny thing and it takes every available opportunity to remind you of that until you hate it. Kind of like a diva.

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More Transformers: Revenge of the F... reviews
review by . July 01, 2009
posted in Movie Hype
If all you want is smashy, crashy fun then it's good.
Transformers!  THE SEQUEL!  Sequels to comic book, superhero movies lately are always a better bunch then the first film having gotten the annoying origin stories and introductions out of the way.  The first Transformers movie in 2007 got by in my book by having a rock em sock em action scene in the finale that helped redeem the movie by it's conclusion.  This newest movie tones down the human characters, gives us more Transformers, more action, more Baysplosions and....a …
review by . July 28, 2009
 I won't even go into reviewing the story for this movie because it is so absolutely ridiculous and it was already superbly covered in the Topless Robot Review (very funny read, but contains spoilers and adult language).      As far a transformers movie, the Revenge of the Fallen makes up for the one shortcoming I felt the first movie had by including way more fighting robots....  Way WAY more fighting robots... SO MANY fighting robots that I actually dozed off …
review by . June 27, 2009
posted in Movie Hype
Poster
   The first “Transformers” film may not be faithful to the original animated series and not even to the comic book by Marvel comics in the 80's. Seeing as how Hasbro only utilized those mediums to promote its toy line, I can forgive its inconsistencies to the beloved animated series. The original film by Michael Bay was fun, it utilized a simple formula with little room for a real intricate plot; it was just a popcorn film. After the huge box-office success of Bay’s …
review by . November 13, 2010
   A thoroughly disappointing sequel to one of 2007's biggest summer movies. While still drawing the big bucks like its predecessor, it fails to really deliver anything new and special. Really, it seems to take a step backwards.      Spielberg, as always, goes above and beyond to ensure a glitzy, action packed, SFX extravaganza for the audience. However, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen seems so concerned with its action content that it fails to really get anywhere …
review by . June 29, 2009
Since there are already several reviews out there, I'll spare you the synopsis.  This is a review by a Transformers fan and a movie watcher addressing the critics who enjoyed bashing this film so much.      As a film, Transformers is pure popcorn fun.  It's basically a 2.5 hour commercial to sell toys just like how the cartoons were 20 minute commercials to sell toys.  As long as you keep that mindset, everything will be okay.  This isn't freakin …
review by . June 26, 2009
posted in Movie Hype
There are times when movies can blow you away.  The first Transformers movie certainly blew me away.  Despite its problems, it was a fun ride with a well crafted story and even some well crafted dialog and sequence of events.  Transformers Revenge of the Fallen, however, shows us that bigger isn't always better.  In fact, bigger can be a headache.  Especially when it's a Michael Bay sequel. The film brings back Shia Lebouf and Megan Fox as our protagonists.  As it turns …
Quick Tip by . September 07, 2010
posted in Movie Hype
Caption
This is a very disappointing sequel, but the robot fights were better than in the first movie. I think this small cartoon says it all and I'd like to share it via a quick tip:      This is fun as to how it made fun of the movie's many plot holes and mistakes...            This is the Transformers complaining in Bay's office....LOL!        
review by . June 28, 2009
ROTF Poster
I'm pretty sure that when it is all said and done, there's going to be a lot of controversy over Revenge of the Fallen.  Either people are going to really love it or they're going to hate it; that has actually been the case so far.  I LOVED it!  At the risk of sounding like a fanboy, I am going to go ahead and say that Revenge of the Fallen is just a touch better than Transformers...shoot me.  I said in my review for the original that it's in my top ten favorite films of all …
Quick Tip by . July 01, 2010
Stupid, overlong, pointless and under plotted Michael Bay's "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" is a movie that destroy the fond memories that date back to the 1980's animated series and leaves the name that is Transformers in ruins.
Quick Tip by . February 01, 2010
Like Devastator in the movie, the Best thing Bay's 2nd interpretation of the toy line does is SUCK a lot!
About the reviewer
Nicholas Croston ()
Ranked #19
Hi! I'm here in part to plug my writing and let everyone know that I'm trying to take my work commercial.      Now, what about me? Well, obviously I like to write. I'm … more
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Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is the sequel to the hit film Transformers and was released on June 24th 2009.  It is directed by Michael Bay and stars Shia LeBeouf and Megan Fox.  The script was written by Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman.  The budget of the film was $200 Million


Filming of Revenge of the Fallen started in LA and then moved to Bethlehem, PA.  Michael Bay did a lot of the filming in the city of Philadelphia.  Once there, they shot at the Exelon Power Plant, The University of Pennsylvania, Drexel University, Fairmount Park, Eastern State Penitentiary, City Hall and Rittenhouse Square.  After filming in Philadelphia was completed, the moved on to Princeton University. A lot of filming was also done in Giza at the Pyramids with the permission and blessing of the Egyptian government. 



Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen was shot partly in IMAX.  Three of the films main action sequences were filmed in the IMAX format.

 

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Details

Director: Michael Bay
Genre: Action, Adventure, Fantasy
Release Date: June 24th 2009
MPAA Rating: PG-13
Screen Writer: Roberto Orci, Alex Kurtzman
Runtime: 147 Minutes
Studio: Paramount Pictures, Dreamworks PIctures
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"Headache Inducing"
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