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We're Going to Eat You.

1980 film directed by Tsui Hark

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A kung fu cannibal action film from Tsui Hark.

Aug 19, 2009

by Captain_Couth

Rating:

We're Going to Eat You is a horror-action-comedy from the legendary film maker Tsui Hark. After debuting with his equally bizarre BUTTERFLY MURDERS, Mr. Tsui returns with this homage to the Italian Zombie films and kung-fu flicks of the seventies. Filled with blood, gore and sound clips from the Italian Prog-Rock band Goblin, this movie is a must see for any survival horror film fans. This one was also heavily influenced by the films of Ruggero Deodato, Umberto Lenzi and Tobe Hopper. Not your ordinary kung-fu film!

Several people have disappeared on a remote island near Hong Kong. The people of this island are all insane and crave the taste of human flesh. They feed on unsuspecting visitors and escaping fugitives. One day a government agent named 999 (Norman Tsui) is in the area looking for a long time federal fugitive named Rolex (Melvin Wong). After being robbed by a fellow traveler and left to die in a trap, Agent 999 comes across the mad residents of the island's city. No one wants to co-operate. So after beating up a few locals, the chief of police (Eddy Ko) grants him an audience and points him in the direction of a nearby slaughterhouse. Foolishly, he heads off to the house and nearly winds up on the residents' plate.

Despite all of the evidence presented to him and meeting the fugitive Rolex, he refuses to believe that the islanders are cannibals. The chief is fed up with Agent 999's snooping and decides to get rid of him. The runaway thief is also hiding out in town and he witnesses' first hand the barbaric cannibalism and tries to warn the police chief. He winds up being chased by the police who are in cahoots with the cannibals. Desperate to escape the pot, the thief uses the chimney technique to flee the hungry cops. He even uses a cat as a weapon. But all to no avail, the thief is captured and thrown in a cell waiting to be eaten.

Rolex is sick of the cannibals and tries to help Agent 999. The chief suspects Rolex's treachery and kills him dead. Still in denial, Agent 999 skins off Rolex's tattoo and leaves the village. He doesn't get far and is captured. In despair and praying for help from anyone, Agent 999 is about to be sliced and diced before the thief (who escaped earlier thanks to a friendly local) frees Agent 999 and helps the kid and the agent kill the captors and look for the kid's sister. Agent 999 has no luck because he's captured again. The chief is taking no chances and wants to slice him up in public. Before he can, the thief and the kid fight off the cannibals using a couple of pairs of roller skates and a case of firecrackers.

The desperate trio rescue the girl and leave for the beach. They find a hidden raft and take it to safety. A crazed lone cannibal jumps on the raft and attacks the three dudes. Agent 999 goes psycho and kills the man with his bare hands. Satisfied, the agent swims out the rescue the thief and the kid. When they return, they scream in horror as the sister has ripped the dead man's heart out and holds it out for all to see. She's very hungry.

A pretty down beat ending for a crazy movie. This was made during Tsui Hark's "dark period". He made three depressing films BUTTERFLY MURDERS, WE'RE GOING TO EAT YOU and the very rare DON"T PLAY WITH FIRE. Filled with a lot of gore, toilet humor and some wild stunts and fight scenes.

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