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A YouTube video created and posted by xOphoeniXfeath3r on Nov. 26, 2008.

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Twilight Review "Assignment"

  • May 20, 2010
Rating:
+1
Oh goodness. I think a whole lot more could be said about what's wrong with the Twilight series though this "PSA" touched on a few of the problems. Actually, I found this gal's presentation almost as annoying as Bella herself.

So what is really wrong with Twilight? First, as this reviewer complained of but failed to explain why, Stephanie Meyer is one of the worst writers I've ever read outside of some fan fiction. Oh wait, she used to write fan fiction. That explains a lot.

As others have pointed out, Bella Swann is one cloyingly dreadful Mary Sue. Everyone loves her at her new school, we know she's perfectly beautiful, and she's do desirable that she's driven an "Adonis" -like vampire who had never known love mad with lust. No, not lust. We can't call it lust. Attraction. She's driven him mad with attraction. Bella has a flaw of course, so she's not so perfect and so we can all totally relate. She's such a klutz that she trips over air. The perfect damsel in distress. Passive, pouty and needy.

Then there's Edward... creepy, stalkerish, downright abusive. But he's beautiful, and chauvinistically protective while he's being emotionally abusive, so it's all cool. What is this telling our young girls, and worse what have we done to our kids that they are *buying* this view on romance?

As vampires the Cullens are pathetic. I know it's been hammered over and over by others but really, sparkles? And they can subsist entirely on animal blood, so any real threat is eliminated. Oh, the "bad vampires" live on human blood, but with the Cullens there's no conflict, no inner struggle, except for Jasper, who comes across like the mentally handicapped little brother. Equally annoying for me, they're wide awake during the day. They never sleep, in fact. There's no eerie karmic payback to Death required of these undead. Are they even undead?

The outcome of all these very human traits, is that Meyer neatly guts the vampire mystique. We never get that unearthly otherness feeling from Meyer's vampires. Degrassi with fangs. No, not even with fangs. No fangs. Wait, how is this a vampire story again?

But Meyer's biggest problem over and above her characterization is her writing style. We've all heard the writer's caveat "show don't tell," right? I think Meyers has some kind of advice dyslexia because, especially in New Moon, all she does is tell, tell, tell, and oh my god she's telling us again how Bella is feeling.

But the thing is, since she's telling us this over and over, chewing it up and swallowing for us, we can't taste it.  The reader feels pounded by pages and pages of Bella's unbearable pain, but we're not feeling a thing for Bella. In fact we kinda wish she'd take an Advil and quit moping about already.

I know I haven't said anything new here. And the terrible irony for me is that I have a 14-year old daughter who loves Twilight and so I have been obligated to read all the books, and not express my abhorrence.

That's a lie. I got through New Moon. I couldn't do it.
While I have watched the movies multiple times with my kid, I have to later slip off to take refuge in old episodes of True Blood.
Ah, the antidote!

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October 10, 2010
very nice write up.
 
May 21, 2010
Ha, nice to hear the thoughts on this from someone who has seen and read Twilight books!  I think you would reallly appreciate this list You Might be a Stephanie Meyer Vampire If... By the way, this gal actually has a whole series of these videos in which she's always annoyingly ironic.  My favorite being confessions of a hipster :P
May 21, 2010
Good list--lol! So (sadly) true.
 
May 20, 2010
Good review.
Yeah, based on her other videos, I agree with Christy's comment below, she was trying to be annoying (like whiny self-absorbed Bella).
And it's definitely true, one could write an entire 300 page book about all of the flaws in the Stephenie Meyer's stories and still have various things that they wouldn't be able to cover, but what impressed me here is that you have a high school girl who actually thinks for herself and doesn't just follow trends like so many at that age do.
Plus, I think it's remarkable that she was able to imbue such a short video with so much humor and wit. I'm willing to bet that if she wrote report or an essay on it, that then she would be able to delve deeper into a proper analysis. Still, I think it's pretty funny.
She brings up a lot that most people her age wouldn't even be contemplating (such as the ridiculous comparisons to Shakespeare, the fact that the characters are so egocentric and self-obsessed, and the contradictory symbolism that Meyer has forcibly placed in her stories).
I should also point out that this girl doesn't seem to be all that familiar with vampire lore, so she could only critique the books based on what she could relate to.
May 20, 2010
Okay, I admit I was probably being a little hard on the poor girl. Certainly all her points are valid, and as you've pointed out, she's making a break from the herd with this review of a series largely beloved by her peers. Maybe I was a little cranky last night. ;o)
May 20, 2010
Personally, I think the Harry Potter books are much better in terms of contemporary literature. There are so many problems with Meyer's melodramatic stories, her vapid and self-obsessed characters, her lack of familiarity with the genre within which she's working, and then there's the whole morality thing that she's trying to shove down people's throats (which she would know isn't working if she paid attention). All of that aside, from the little I've read the books themselves are particularly well-written or thought out.
May 21, 2010
I haven't read all of the Harry Potter series but from what I have read the characters are memorable, endearing and well developed over time. The dramatic tension is well done and the resolutions are satisfying. *Plus* JK Rowling has built a fascinating world with her parallel community of magical folk living right next to the muggle world. Oh yes, Meyer's ham-handed but oddly inconsistent "morality" is kinda scary...
May 21, 2010
Yeah, the Potter books are great, a little uneven at times, but over all it's a wonderful fantasy series. I dread the thought of ever reading any of Meyer's books in their entirety. As it is, I lament the fact that I've sat through the first two film adaptations of her books and was bribed into reviewing them. LOL. I did have fun tearing the first film apart and my review of the second film is even more brutal.
May 21, 2010
There's so much to gleefully brutalize, right? ;o)
May 21, 2010
It's terribly overwhelming. Sometimes I don't even know where to start. LOL!
 
1
More "i'm not scared of you edward.... reviews
Quick Tip by . October 16, 2010
Caption
This girl is hilarious. I agree that Twilight is "crappy literature" and those that are fans of Twilight  often mistake it for good or great literature (for whatever strange reason). You can like a story without it being anything prophetic or even well-written. I've liked plenty of romance, fantasy, sci-fi, and mysteries that are fun to read but are not great pieces of literature. The key is having the ability to distinguish between the two, which most people are incapable of …
Quick Tip by . May 24, 2010
Interesting and funny approach to criticizing a massively popular book. Pros: Tone, length, and examples. Cons: Wanted even more examples.
Quick Tip by . May 20, 2010
A funny video that dissects the Edward character in less than 3½ minutes. The girl's got attitude, brains & better taste than most her age.
Quick Tip by . May 21, 2010
Caption
Yeah, but how does she REALLY feel? Wonderfully eloquent evisceration of the oh so popular romantic swill that is TWILIGHT.
About the reviewer
Donna G Omo ()
Ranked #467
Iwrite when Ican get out of my own way.
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An online video criticizing The Twilight phenomenon posted on YouTube by xOphoeniXfeath3r on November 26, 2008.
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