My love/hate relationship with the world's most damned awkward website

• Finding hookers
• Ranting insanely
• Selling sofas

westside-southbay-310
san fernando valley
central LA 213/323
san gabriel valley
long beach / 562
antelope valley

• Scammers
• Bots
• Scamming bots

• "you send now for the device sale. and for the thanks. bye."
• "have you no further? many items in my list i send payment."
• "liking your item. will be happy to do business. you close listing"

i'm interested in your sofa. i can't really see if there is staining or discoloring?? is there any tears or rips in the upholstery? how long have you had the sofa. my kids have allergies so it's really important for me to find out if the sofa comes from a home with smoking or pets. you can call me at XXX.XXX.XXXX. thanks, corrina

Corrina, although the pictures show a sofa in perfect condition, I neglected to mention it was primarily used for my dog when he was smoking. We haven't clipped his claws so there are some scratch marks and rips but I edited them out with Photoshop to get rid of this thing. Let me know your schedule so I can call you at your convenience and put whatever I'm doing on hold.

when can you deliver the sofa? i'm near pico

I'm honored you've allowed my sofa to stay at your house and would be delighted to have it shipped immediately. If you would like to charge me rent for your floorspace I would be delighted to pay in advance. I'm happy to driving in circles in the pico area until I get the sense of where your live.

There were several others but the common theme was the fear of the shift key.

STEP 3: THE BUYER ARRIVES!

A cautionary tale:

I once sold a barbecue in Sausalito to a Craigslist user. "Sold" is probably the wrong word. I gave her the address but she insisted on calling me every 2 minutes for an hour and using the complimentary turn-by-turn navigation services I provide. I then lifted the very-large-and-very-heavy grill up four flights of stairs into her truck at which point she informed me that she didn't have the cash and would wire me the money. I proceeded to unload the grill and send it back down four flights of stairs. The next day, the Salvation Army arrived and took it away.

A frustrating tale:

In the case of the sofa that was being given away, one enthusiastic Craigslist candidate desperately wanted the item. It was just so sofa-ey and free. She had my 70-year old father drag the thing down two flights of stairs and onto the back of her truck. She then decided it was too long and left it in the driveway. Finally, a lawn maintenance man drove by - Dad offered him the sofa and he gladly loaded it up and took it away. Without Craigslist.

A more frustrating and common tale:

In at least several hundred thousand occasions, people ask questions and make appointments and then never show up. It's like that TV show Lost. I might be exaggerating but it's happened a lot.

A great outcome:

A recent sale of a media cabinet resulted in a really normal and pleasant person who emailed me an appointment, showed up on time with the money and took it away. I should have taken a picture, I was just so happy. God bless her.

So in summary, although it's 2011 and we should be living on Mars and driving flying cars by now, this is still the best way to get rid of a sofa. I love you, Craigslist, but I hate you so much.