The Bottom Line: "And now you know where not to go The middle ground is absolute zero What can be found at absolute zero" ~Faith No More
Some time back, when I was on a quest to view and review every Godzilla movie out there, I ran across the horrible release, Monster Zero, which I considered an aptly named movie. Didn't think there was an equation lower than zero, but here ya go ... Absolute Zero. Directed by Robert Lee and written by Sarah Watson, it has no rating, no awards, and no merit. It bottomed out below Monster Zero.
The definition of absolute zero is when the temperature reaches the lowest possible imagined, then atoms transmit to thermal energy. On the Kelvin scale it is 0 which is -459.67F [or -273.15C for those that use that scale], and overall that sounds pretty dang cold to me. But not nearly as cold as this movie left me.
The story: There is a climatic shift on the horizon and it isn't going to be pretty. Imagine the beaches of Miami buried under feet of snow and ice. All those lovely tanned bodies like little Popsicles. This polarity flip would turn the equator into the Arctic and the poles into tropics. Of course finding someone to believe this story is almost impossible, or so climatologist David, along with his partner in crime, Bryn, soon discover.
Because they have so little backing, they are forced to turn to a couple of science students to help them try to convince the world that things will soon quickly change. Actually the two nerds were the best part of the film.
We also have the prerequisite bad guy, head of the firm type, who looks more like a pimp than an executive. He doesn't even have to speak and we know he is going to be bad news.
In the middle of everything is Bryn's small daughter who holds the key to the secure lab where they can hole up once things start going bad. I mean the weather, going bad for the film started with opening credits.
The actors: A rather portly Jeff Fahey plays David. The only good thing about him are his eyes which are also sort of spooky in color. He is rather pompous and overblown in the film and irritating beyond belief. Joining him was Erika Eleniak as Bryn who dumped her Baywatch bikini and Playboy Bunny ears to don a fluorescent orange life support suit. Her only attributes in the film were not her two eyes, ya know.
Our little nerds were Jessica Amlee and Fred Ewanuick with Bill Dow as the bad guy.
Overall impression: I'm a big fan of trashy movies. This, however, stunk worse than Aunt Millie's cat after a skunk got hold of him. The acting was atrocious, script and delivery horrible, and special effects worse than a kindergarten portrayal of Hamlet. Well, actually, the kids might be better all around that the schlock put out in this film.
More than bad, it was absolute zero!
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Susi Dawson (SusiDee34)
Live your life with the goal to 'pay it forward' and do one good thing for someone else
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