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The ART OF WAR....Against Internet Trolls...A FUNNY List!

  • Apr 12, 2010
  • by
Internet Trolls...geez. Amazon.com is infested by them. There are different levels of trolls, some make insults, some give you negative votes because they want your spotlight or they just don't like you, some command other trolls to vote against you and some are the actual makers of the product being reviewed. I try to pay them no mind but every once in awhile they get to be very insulting that I tend to have a little fun with them by making them feel dumb and stupid. Thank god, this site isn't infested, but if there were, I'd like to have a certain approach. Please keep in mind that this list is ONLY for fun. I like fighting my own wars against trolls...
devora on Lunch
As one of Lunch's community manager, Debbie takes the lead since she can smooth out potential arguements because she knows how. This would be the first step, since being civil is the best approach. People tend to listen to her and she likes to stay neutral. Usually things calm down when she approaches...
Sharrie (Sharrie)
If Devora fails, Sharrie can step in and invite the troll to see her pictures of travel. Then the troll will become jealous and they will just shut up. However, this troll may just become more agitated.
This is where you send Patty in with her baked cookies, cake and pastries to satisfy the hungry for attention troll. But a sugar-rush may just give Mr. Troll more energy...
Samantha (djevoke)
This is where you send Samantha to ask the troll to dance to tire him out. A tired troll is a quiet troll after all...
Mr. Troll is still standing after the sugar rush, and break dancing? Send Sean to analyze the problem. He'll present an analysis that will bewilder Mr. Troll! Trolls are dumb, lazy and without manners--and has a short attention span. Let Sean talk Mr. Troll to oblivion.
See the full review, "LUNCHER PROFILE Vol. 3: Awesome Reviewer and Great Guy..But Don't HIRE Him as a Food Critic!".
My Official LUNCH.COM Profile Pic
Ok, if we have one tough troll and Sean may have forgotten to eat while he talked to the Mr. Troll so the next move would be to have the other Sean write an extensive analysis of the issue. Orlok's reviews are so top-notch that Trolls tend to stay away from them because they can't understand them. His reviews on Vampirism repels trolls because they get freaked out.
See the full review, "LUNCHER PROFILE Vol. 1: Lunch.com's Resident Waffle-Hating and Skunk Spray-Loving Weirdo!".
Dang...This Troll gave Orlok waffles and so he moonwalked away from the troll. Send in Christy who can upset the troll with his funny one-liners and humorous sarcasm. Christy's such a nice guy that it is hard for trolls to hate him...
See the full review, "Luncher Profile Vol. 4: A Tribute To A Great Friend, and Fellow Reviewer Who Loves Horror Films!".
MR. TROLL still around? Get Karen to write a review about the troll's own review...that'll wake them up.
See the full review, "LUNCHER PROFILE Vol. 2: The QUEEN OF "B"...".
Have Brian write a Luncher Profile on him! I f you guys read his roast on Chris you'll die laughing...but trolls are egotistical and full of narcissistic attitude. They may just like the attention...
Ok, After the troll gets roasted by Christy and Cenobite, you send in Dave...the problem is; this troll either likes horror movies and is a Sam Raimi fan...Mr. Troll is also a Mets fan so Dave doesn't do anything...
Then you send in Frank to ignite the flame wars. I've seen Frank give some trolls verbal beatings that made trolls just run away. Frank has a way with words that trolls hate.
Fight Fire with Fire...if your troll won't stop. Give him a taste of his own medicine but be respectful and do not stoop to his level. Make reasonable arguements rather than just playing a troll.
trashcanman on Lunch
What?! Mr. Troll set up dummy accounts to make himself look good and make everyone look bad? send in the purely bad-ass troll hunter who likes to torture them. Hopefully it does not come to this and hope that the Troll war will be over by step # 4...it will get ugly.
woopak_the_thrill on Lunch
I am WOOPAK...the.THRILL. I hold back the TROLLS...when NOTHING else can.

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January 31, 2012
This is AWESOME! What took me so long to see this one? I can definitely tire them out for you because if my music isn't doing it, I'll challenge them to a dance battle LOL I'm honored to be included in this list of badasses, thanks!
February 04, 2012
yeah....what is wrong with you?! It has been up for almost two years...you and Orlok going to have that dance off yet?

since you liked this list, have you seen this one?
February 05, 2012
LOL...speaking of up for two years...I'm waiting for the coin toss ;p
April 16, 2010
Ha, way to tell off the trolls! But why ya gotta send them to me first? ;) j/k!  Trolls can be entertaining, but I much prefer someone who has the kahunas to speak their mind while being and protraying themselves, as themselves.  When I'm on a forum and someone without a photo, or with an avatar or some other troll'ish flair, posts something, I tend to just gloss over it and ignore it. 

Remember, first rule of dealing with trolls is: Don't feed the trolls!  So I wouldn't be so sure about sending them to Patty so early on ;)  By the way, something tells me that you'll appreciate this awesome infographic!
April 19, 2010
ha ha. I figured I'd send you over first because of your mad communication skills and you do have a charming personality... ;-) Trolls will definitely like Patty's baking LOL! Thanks for pointing me to that direction....
April 13, 2010
I've been nothing but polite in ripping your opinion to shred Woop. Oh, byt the way, Jet Eller who wrote and directed NIGHT FEEDERS is working on a flick with a title that's something like PLEASE DON'T FEED THE TROLLS.
April 13, 2010
I know..but trolls hate that while I love it because I am crazy LOL! Fressshhhh!! I think I heard about that bit about NIGHT FEEDERS...hey, you just gave me an idea. ;-)
April 13, 2010
Cool. But I don't suppose youll tell me what it is until you're good and ready to , right?
April 13, 2010
another list, my queen...hee hee.
April 13, 2010
I suspected that much.
April 13, 2010
BTW, Karen, I went and reviewed an Indie Horror movie with Christina Ricci...not too shabby.
April 13, 2010
Stay out of my territory!!! );-P
April 13, 2010
I luv you....
April 13, 2010
Shouldn't that be, "I wuv you"?
April 12, 2010
I think you may have confused yourself with Thor, the bane of Trolls and Frost Giants. Oh, well. And dude, are my reviews confusing and hard to understand? That's not good. I guess you'll need to give me more constructive criticism. And you forgot, I can also drive trolls away with my psychoanalytical abilities! =D
April 12, 2010
it's not that your reviews are hard to understand--it's just that Trolls are DUMB. Did you read the part how the troll got pass you? Good catch on the Thor thing LOL!
April 12, 2010
Yeah, I was going to mention that. Besides, no one gets past me. I'm a pacifist, so I don't fight people, but if I did they wouldn't stand a chance. Like Howard the Duck, I too am a master of Quack-fu! LMAO!
April 13, 2010
God...never thought I'd hear that word again...
April 14, 2010
Wanna see what I can do with my webbed feet and duck's bill? LOL!
August 26, 2010
Alas, lucky and unlucky numbers 7, 11 and 13 are now gone. : (
April 12, 2010
"Ok, if we have one tough troll and Sean may have forgotten to eat while he talked to the Mr. Troll so the next move would be..."

I practically died of laughter at this part!  This is by far the most creative and most entertaining list I've read on the site so far.
April 12, 2010
thanks, bud...see the one with the waffles?
April 12, 2010
Gee, thanks for pointing that out. I don't have a weakness to waffles, I just don't like them.
April 12, 2010
Nevertheless that would certainly be interesting.  Sean, you'd be ready to kick ass and then the troll presents waffles.  "No!  Waffles!  My one weakness!"  What an interesting weakness for a Superhero!
April 13, 2010
Waffles are the Count's kryptonite.
April 13, 2010
...and skunk spray his spinach LOL!
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